Time, My Most Precious Gift After Breast Cancer

Time is a valuable commodity, but I never realized how valuable it was until after I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I was about 8 years old when I learned to tell time. My elementary school teacher had a cardboard model of a clock with two red plastic hands. Every day, during class time, we’d listen as the teacher moved the hands and explained what each one did. The short hand was the hour hand, while the long hand was the minute hand. We’d watch in awe as she moved the hands around the clock to teach. After she’d done this for a week or two, she’d call students up and one by one, we’d have to tell the time according to how the hands were set by the teacher.

Learning how to read the hours was easy. Reading the minutes was more challenging. Finally, I got the hang of it and was so happy when my mother bought me a little Timex watch of my own. Throughout the day, I’d glance at my watch and see what time it was. Sometimes, the clock would stop, that’s when I knew it was time to wind it. Back then, watches and clocks were mechanical. Winding the spring inside them made them work. Now watches are much different with most of them battery-powered.

As I grew older, watches and clocks ran my life. As a typical type A personality, I hated being late for anything. In fact, I always strived to arrive at any destination at least 15 minutes early. But time then was just a manager, nothing more.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, all that changed. I took off my watch and have not worn one for the past 10 years. Why do such a drastic thing? To be honest, cancer scared the bejesus out of me. I honestly thought, when I heard the words, “You have cancer,” that I was going to die before the end of that year. Thankfully, that was not the case, but to this day, I do my best to avoid looking at clocks and I no longer own any watches.

Cancer helped me realize the importance of time. I realized I’d been so locked into clock-watching for such a long time that it controlled me. Every day my schedule seemed to be packed. My watch would almost shout, “You have to hurry!”

I didn’t like that feeling and that’s why I took off my watch, never to wear one again. I knew the cancer clock was ticking, and I didn’t know how much time I had. I didn’t necessarily want more time; I just wanted enough time. I wanted time to see my children become parents. I wanted time to do all the things on my bucket list. I wanted time to watch more sunrises and sunsets. I wanted more time to enjoy life. And that’s when I began to become intentional about guarding my time and using it more wisely.

Each day when I rise, I thank God for the gift of another day. Since none of us are promised tomorrow, I’ve learned to look at each day as a present waiting to be opened. I never know what the day will hold, so it’s exciting to begin with an attitude of expectancy.

Throughout the day, I make a point of avoiding clock-glancing. Without paying attention to the clock, my day seems to last longer and I find myself slowing down. As I take the day minute by minute, I’ve learned to be present. Instead of thinking about what comes next, I can step into the here and now.

Of course, there are times when I must know what time it is – for example, if I have a doctor’s appointment I need to be on time, but for the most part, the clock and the power of time no longer exist in my life.

Cancer did its best to rob me of discovering the value of time by instilling great fear into my life, and fear caused me to become anxious. But as time went on, and I continued to defy the odds of my life expectancy with stage 2B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer, I found freedom from the constraints of time.

Cancer can be a thief. It can steal joy, instill fear and rob a person of valuable seconds, minutes and hours. But only if we let it. We have the power to choose.

Try a little experiment, try going a day without a watch or looking at a clock. See how it makes you feel. Did you find you felt untethered? You might not notice a big difference after only one day, so push it to two and if you like it, keep going! Unstrap that watch and avoid looking at that clock. You have the power. All you must do is make the choice to do it.

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