It is with great pleasure that I nominate Christine Wylie, M.S.N., RN, OCN, for the 2022 Extraordinary Healer® Award. One thing that I am sure of is that Christine is an extraordinary healer. She has been influential in making so many other nurses, like me, into extraordinary healers too.

At the time I retired in fall 2021, I was a colleague of Christine. Christine had been very instrumental in making my last years in clinical oncological nursing a unique and special time. I had many years of experience in various positions and departments, but oncology was where I wanted to spend my final years working.

Due to the grind of 25-plus years in many roles of nursing, I had developed hip and back issues. I knew it was time to transition my role in order to prolong a career that I absolutely loved. So I applied for an outpatient chemotherapy infusion position and was hired at the prestigious Siteman Cancer Center at Washington University in St. Louis. 

I am a retired Air Force flight nurse who had served in the war zones of late. I would be the first male RN in this particular center, and I also was unique because I was 64 years old. One might imagine that I could be quite a challenge for a much younger, yet professional, preceptor. Thank goodness Christine voluntarily took on that challenge.

The Siteman infusion suite is noted by patients as a center of hope and a place where their care is made much more tolerable. We often hear comments such as, “It feels more like a family gathering than a chemotherapy treatment.” 

The staff often gets complimented for their genuine care and compassion. Much of this praise is due to Christine. Her friendly face is the first one patients see in the chemotherapy treatment pods. She makes an enormously positive impression on the patients through her teaching, and this in turn sets the stage for our successful relationship with them.

Christine started as a staff infusion nurse in 2014 and since then has advanced into various roles as the care center progressed and grew. She simultaneously pursued her nursing education to a master’s level with focus on nursing and patient education. While working as a key member of the staff, she also developed several new roles within the center that have been most instrumental to our excellent care success.

Six months after being hired, she was promoted to float nurse coordinator. This was a new idea for the center, and she developed this role, which gave her the ability to float between an infusion nurse providing direct care and a clinical nurse coordinator in the clinic setting, based on the staffing needs of this fast-growing treatment center. The position was so well developed and utilized that Christine was tasked to train two more in-house nurses for the position.

In 2019, Christine was promoted to clinical nurse educator. This was another role that was new to the center, and it became her responsibility to create and provide proof of its value. With this role, she has the enormous task of teaching all of our patients about their chemotherapy treatments, common side effects and how to effectively manage them. 

She is also in charge of keeping nursing up-to-date on new therapies or indications, changes in policies and procedures, arranging Basic Life Support renewal certification classes for staff and whatever else is thrown her way. She is key in helping new staff get oriented and trained to her lofty standards.

Christine quickly took this new job and ran with it. Her model was such that she was asked to help other sites develop and engage this position.

As South County became a major clinical treatment area, Christine continued to grow and develop her clinical expertise and teaching/training skills. She helped advance several in-house committees that directly affect our patient care delivery. 

She serves on the policy and procedure committee and the unit practice committee. She works with the clinical pharmacy team on issues with patient treatment plans. She is a liaison between the clinical teams and the patients during their course of treatment to ensure maximum benefit of the care plan. 

She will work in any area of need. She is a team player with extraordinary abilities, and she unselfishly assists all with guidance and direction toward professional goals.

Christine is the strongest advocate for our nurses to obtain their OCN certification. She finds prep classes and resources for our nurses to succeed in gaining this prestigious certification. She has a personal goal of certifying all of our nursing staff and is very close to achieving this. She has developed and teaches accredited chemotherapy classes for new staff. She is a constant proponent for continuing professional growth and development through education and skill mastery for all of our nurses.

Christine recently took the reins of the evidence-based practice committee and presented one of her projects at an Oncology Nursing Society conference. She has worked on many new projects relating to evidence-based practice and is involved in trialing the use of patients using oral cryotherapy by chewing on ice while receiving Adriamycin (doxorubicin) infusions. The goal is to evaluate the efficacy of this intervention as it applies to alleviating the side effect of painful mucositis. The early results are very positive.

Christine played an important part of the research and implementation of our staff nurses changing our injection practices for intramuscular medications. We changed these injections from dorsogluteal to ventrogluteal sites. This helped alleviate pain and increase drug absorption while reducing the risk of accidental sciatic nerve irritation. Many of our nurses had never given a ventrogluteal intramuscular medication injection. Christine trained all to a high confidence level and our patients have benefited.

Christine has been a highly effective resource as we implemented scalp cooling for our patients. This helps prevent hair loss when receiving hair follicle sensitive chemotherapies. It has been such a success that we recently added more scalp cooling machines.

In 2018, we upgraded our electronic medical records to the EPIC system. This was particularly difficult for all of us. Christine was so amazing at calming us. Her skills of helping this make sense to us saved the day. She did a better job at explaining the changes than the program company’s trainers and really was so very helpful to me personally.

Christine is innovative and involved in the development of training support materials for both patient and staff using the latest technology. She has garnered training supplies to instruct patients on their intravenous line care for those who use home infusion pumps. She has utilized these materials using a hands-on approach that allows a very new or timid patient to overcome their fear of chemotherapy and build needed skills.

Christine’s compassion for the patient begins when they receive a diagnosis of cancer. She helps them transition to taking an active role in their therapy, including being able to read signs and symptoms and possible complications of therapy. They learn to understand their laboratory values, nutrition principles, medications and how to communicate with their care team. 

Her communication skills are very adaptive and easily customized to the needs of the patient and the staff. She is known to provide small but significant little tricks to alleviate some of the discomforts of chemotherapy that are often left off the standard question-and-answer forms. Her follow-up calls and her resource availability have been extremely helpful in ensuring our patients receive their treatment with less fear and anxiety.

Christine’s skills in assessing, adapting and conveying new and ever-changing information regarding COVID-19 pandemic guidelines and protocols ensured that we maintained the safest and highest level of protection for our immunocompromised patients with cancer.

Christine is a consummate professional with a strong desire to use her well-developed knowledge and skill set to provide the best patient care experience.

She has hugged, laughed and cried with all of us — staff and patients. When our patients experience her compassion and caring, they are put at some measure of ease and comfort. She is a beacon of hope on their journey and a guiding light for our journey in our ability to provide the very best patient care.

For more news on cancer updates, research and education, don’t forget to

According to a colleague, Christine Wylie, M.S.N., RN, OCN, is an excellent resource for patients with cancer. 

A Beacon of Hope for Patients With Cancer

Bernard “Skip” Mann, B.S.N, RN, retired

This post was written and submitted by Peter O'Connor. The article reflects the views of O'Connor and not of CURE®. This is also not supposed to be intended as medical advice.

For more news on cancer updates, research and education, don’t forget to 

My prostate cancer has come back and stronger, but so have I. 

The Prostate Cancer Demon

Peter O'Connor

Breast cancer treatments are often linked to an array of potential side effects — some of which could be considered debilitating — but researchers are continuing to study new strategies to mitigate these toxicities.

Prior research has demonstrated that gabapentin, which is used to treat seizures and nerve pain, and Zyprexa (olanzapine), an anti-psychotic drug, may be beneficial in managing aches and pains as well as hot flashes that could result from breast cancer treatment.

However, current research aims to assess some newer and unconventional treatment methods to reduce the effects of chemotherapy-induced neutropenia and vaginal dryness.

Dr. Charles L. Loprinzi, a consultant in the Division of Medical Oncology in the Department of Oncology at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, has conducted more than 100 clinical trials assessing ways to control symptoms in patients with cancer.

“Symptom-control research is ... aimed at trying to prevent, treat and better understand symptoms caused by cancer and cancer treatment,” Loprinzi said in an interview with CURE®’s sister publication, OncologyLive

. “Patients with breast cancer can (experience side effects) from the treatments that we give them or from the disease itself.”

For example, patients with breast cancer frequently receive chemotherapy, which can lead to chronic nausea, vomiting and neuropathy (numbness and tingling). Moreover, patients who receive endocrine therapy may experience hot flashes and aches and pains, and those who undergo surgery or radiation affecting the lymph nodes may develop lymphedema (a build-up of fluid in soft body tissues).

The decision to stop treatment as a result of side effects can be controversial, and research regarding best practices is in its infancy, according to Loprinzi.

However, developing strategies that don’t include the use of estrogen to manage chemotherapy-induced hot flashes in patients with breast cancer is a topic that Loprinzi can speak to, having been involved in approximately 30 clinical trials on the subject throughout his career and now serving as the principal investigator of an ongoing phase 3 trial. The study is evaluating lower doses of oxybutynin in patients who are not candidates for or not interested in hormone replacement therapy, with the goal of determining whether the lower dose results in fewer side effects than higher doses.

Ahead of his presentation at the 39th Annual Miami Breast Cancer Conference, Loprinzi shared some of the most common treatment-related toxicities in breast cancer and provided insight into various current and investigational approaches available to patients.

Question: What are some common side effects in the breast cancer setting, and how are they typically managed?

Hot flashes are sometimes caused by the treatments we give to patients with breast cancer. Sometimes that is because we deny them use of estrogen because we’re afraid of what estrogen might do in relation to (the) breast cancer. Because of that, looking at ways of inhibiting and treating hot flashes in patients without using estrogen has been a big topic (of discussion) over the past 15 to 20 years. We found a number of nonhormonal agents (as treatment options), such as antidepressants and other (gabapentinoids), oxybutynin and progesterone-type hormones.

Another common problem for patients with breast cancer, which can be a long-standing problem, are (side effects) from aromatase inhibitor (AI) medications. (These) medications can cause some aches and pains that are going to be prominent, and they can lead to a lot of patients wanting to, or actually stopping, the medications. (However, data from) randomized placebo-controlled trials (have shown) that acupuncture can be helpful. There’s also some evidence that exercise and (Cymbalta; duloxetine, a drug commonly used for anxiety and depression) may be helpful.

The other way to think about dealing with these (side effects) is (switching) to a different medication (besides) the AIs, (such as) tamoxifen, which does not have this problem. (Clinicians need to) decide what the benefit is that (they’re) trying to get from this medication and whether is it worth going forward with the treatment if the patient is experiencing a lot of (side effects).

What can be done for some of the common side effects of chemotherapy?

Chemotherapy-induced neuropathy (is common). A lot of the chemotherapy drugs can cause numbness, tingling and pain, which can be problematic as patients are taking these medications and can limit how much the patients can take. (Unfortunately,) when you stop the medications, the effects can persist for months or years after and can cause patients to have more falls (and) hurt themselves and inhibit their quality of life for a long period. We want to give the chemotherapy the best chance to beat the cancer, but sometimes that judgment needs to be made if the help it provides (the patient) is outweighed by the toxicity caused by the treatment. Sometimes stopping therapy earlier might be the right answer, although it’s something that we don’t necessarily want to do.

To date, we don’t have anything that has been shown to be helpful in preventing this problem, other than not giving or lowering the dose of the chemotherapy. Having said that, one promising area is using cryotherapy as patients are getting chemotherapy. We know that when we put ice caps on patients’ scalps, it decreases blood flow (and) decreases metabolism, and patients could (experience) less hair loss when we go that route. (The same sort of thought process may also be true) for the hands or the feet. We don’t have proof of benefit yet, but there is a large effort toward doing a clinical trial, which hopefully will be able to answer this question. Some help (is provided with the addition of) (Cymbalta), which can be helpful for decreasing the effects; it doesn’t work very well, but it is (an option).

Another (top concern of mine) is nausea and vomiting when we give chemotherapy. Over the decades, we’ve had different treatments that are unhelpful for decreasing these. However, over the past few years, (Zyprexa; olanzapine), which is an antipsychotic-type medication, has come around, and we’ve been able to demonstrate that it’s helpful for decreasing nausea and vomiting, and it has (since) become established in (the breast cancer) setting. There is also relatively new information that the drug (Zyprexa) can be helpful in patients with advanced cancers who are not getting chemotherapy or radiation therapy. Oftentimes, these are patients in their last weeks to months of their life, and they can have a lot of trouble with nausea and vomiting from the cancer or the other medications they’re (receiving). There are data that olanzapine in that setting can decrease nausea and vomiting and stimulate appetite.

What research has the potential to improve the future of toxicity management in breast cancer care?

, and we’re well along in discussions with the (National Cancer Institute [NCI] to start a trial) that will randomize patients who are getting neurotoxic-type chemotherapy (such as) paclitaxel to cryotherapy (versus standard of care). The group that developed the Paxman scalp caps for decreasing alopecia (is working to reduce chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy) using a machine (placed on) the hands and feet. The coldness (from the machine is provided) in a regulated manner like the scalp (technology) and can also cause some compression too.

Data on why the process works (show) it decreases blood flow to that area when there’s a lot of chemotherapy in route, and there are data (showing) if you give some compression there, using tight surgical gloves, which was the easy way to do that, you get a compression that might be helpful.

Vaginal dryness (is another malady) that can create a big problem for patients as they go through menopause. It’s more problematic in patients with breast cancer because some of the treatments we give (such as) AIs decrease estrogen. Estrogen keeps the vagina relatively healthy, and when you decrease estrogen, it can cause vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse. There’s an approach called laser therapy where an instrument is put into the vagina and gives little pulses of laser, which may cause some irritation to the vaginal wall (but can) make the vaginal wall reproduce itself more to become thicker and better along that line. This protocol has NCI approval, and (investigators of the trial) will randomize patients with this condition to get the vaginal laser treatment vs vaginal treatment without a laser. The (objective of the) randomized trial is to help determine whether that’s a helpful approach for patients. It’s been controversial over the years as to whether (laser treatment is) beneficial or can cause more (side effects) than it is worth.

From the use of anti-depressants to cryotherapy, researchers continue to explore potential ways to mitigate the side effects that are associated with breast cancer therapy.

Newer and Unconventional Treatment Methods May Better Manage Breast Cancer Side Effects in the Future

Jackie Collins

In a field populated by highly skilled and deeply compassionate nursing oncology professionals, Kathryn Buttner, B.S.N., RN, BMTCN, director of stem cell transplant and cellular therapy at the John Theurer Cancer Center, stands out by fulfilling her role with unique dedication, significant achievement and abundant grace. 

Beginning as a staff nurse in stem cell transplant at Hackensack University Medical Center in 1999, Kate identified oncology and bone marrow transplant as areas of focus very early in her career while working with a 94-year-old patient during an oncology rotation and then with a 22-year-old patient. Though they were in opposite stages of life, she was inspired by each patient’s hope and determination and was motivated to meet their needs with cutting-edge technology and innate empathy.

As she sees it, “Oncology patients give back more than you can ever give to them. It makes you want to move mountains to help them in any way you can.”

A natural team builder focused on collaboration, Kate is passionate about facilitating excellent patient care and is adept at designing and implementing policies and procedures to ensure this. She is quick to credit her team. “In leadership, in everything I do, it’s about the staff around me. They’re with me every moment of the day to achieve what we achieve,” she says.

Kate has been instrumental in operationalizing key initiatives, including helping start an onsite cellular therapy lab to provide CAR-T cell therapy to patients and pivoting during the COVID-19 pandemic to ensure the rapid creation of a high-titer convalescent plasma program while simultaneously sustaining the existing program. To this end, she is involved in updating a 12-chapter handbook for patients on bone marrow transplant.

Kate treats others as she would want to be treated, including team members and patients. Her work is centered on making sure they have the best experience possible, working with staff members every day to make sure they’re on the same page and doing the most they can do for their patients by giving them the respect they deserve and the dignity they need.

I have always had great admiration for Kate’s ability to lead so many people in different disciplines with such professionalism. I recently transitioned into a new role and have had the great pleasure of closely witnessing how much responsibility actually falls directly onto her plate. 

Kate has the unique gift of being able to develop true relationships with her team. Her door is always open, and she is available to everyone on an individual basis and personal level. It has been one of the great honors of my nursing career to work with and learn from Kate.

subscribe to CURE®’s newsletters here.

In a field populated by highly skilled and deeply compassionate nursing oncology professionals, Kathryn Buttner, B.S.N., RN, BMTCN, stands out, a co-worker said.

Dedication, Achievement and Grace in Cancer Care

Jason Schwarz, B.S.N., RN

I was diagnosed with stage 1 ER-positive cancer in my left breast in 2010. Upon investigation, it turned out that I had a matching tumor in my right breast. I underwent a bilateral mastectomy with chemo. One always wonders how much one’s own choices create and/or affect the outcome of the disease. Like others, I engaged in a rigorous reevaluation of my lifestyle choices. This poem reflects the recommendations for a cancer-free diet, which I, for one, did not adopt until after getting diagnosed. The last two stanzas expressed my fear of recurrence and my dark desire to have the option of medically assisted suicide (at the time this poem was written, Oregon was the only place that was a legal option) should that occur.

This post was written and submitted by Kate Matthews. The article reflects the views of Matthews and not of CURE®. This is also not supposed to be intended as medical advice.

After receiving a diagnosis of ER-positive breast cancer, I took a cancer-free diet seriously.

My Diet After Having ER-Positive Breast Cancer

Kate Matthews

There's no easy way to sum up how much Jessica Ellison, M.S.N., RN, BA, means to the patients she works with. From the first time meeting her, I felt like I had a new big sister, one who truly cares and isn't afraid to show tough love. She's persistent and more on top of her game than any nurse I've dealt with in the five years I've been fighting fibrolamellar hepatocellular carcinoma at six different facilities I've received treatment from. Every time I have to travel from my home in Louisiana to Rush University Medical Center in Chicago for procedures and surgeries, I know everything is in order, and if it's not, Jessica is going to fix it before I arrive. She should be a body builder with all the weight she lifts from her patients' shoulders.

You are an exceptional human being. You are the first line of defense for scared families who count on you to make it all come together so Dr. Kent/Dr. Schadde can do what they do best! Thank you for the dedication, persistence and, most importantly, always making yourself available! We are blessed to have you alongside us in this fight!

Jessica is the oncology nurse for Dr. Kent, Dr. Schadde and Dr. Hertle who in collaboration works with Dr. Kent's patients with fibrolamellar hepatocellular carcinoma. She is the one who balances the medical team and coordinates with those of us who have Rush University Medical Center as part of their Fibro Fighter's Team. Jessica demonstrates compassion for our fighters while at the same time managing physician and family needs, personalities and schedules. When working with Jessica toward whatever the next step is in my daughter Lacey's care, we know that we can absolutely count on her every step of the way. I believe she is an extraordinary healer in going for the cure of a rare cancer. While fibrolamellar carcinoma affects one in 5 million, to say Jessica (like our fighters) is one in a million would be an understatement. We credit her along with the Rush University Medical Center team in saving Lacey's life. She is gift to the lives she touches.

—Joy Funkhouser and Lacey White-Stahura

Editor’s Note: This is an essay submitted by Fibrolamellar Hepatocellular Community Members for the 2021 Extraordinary Healer Award. 

 to read more about CURE®’s Extraordinary Healer® Award for Oncology Nursing event on April 30, 2021.

Three different people describe similar experiences with someone who stands alongside them during their journeys.

Lifting Weight Off of Patients’ Shoulders

Joy Funkhouser and Lacey White-Stahura

Carrie Williams, M.S.N./Ed, RN, was the nurse who gave me my introduction into the world of chemotherapy treatment. I was completely overwhelmed. It’s difficult to digest and process a cancer diagnosis; adding cancer treatment on top of that is intense. Carrie became my safe harbor in a stormy sea. She was kind and supportive. Not only was her bedside manner incredible, but her ability to steer her patients through a rough season was lifesaving.

She has an incredible sense of humor that lightens the heaviness of the situation without disregarding the ferocity of the treatment. I knew from the get-go she would always be honest with me. Her knowledge of cancer and the various treatments is extensive, and she is always willing to share her knowledge with her patients.

It saved me in so many ways because having that direct knowledge gave me peace of mind. It also helped me to know what to expect during the most chaotic and disruptive time of my life. I knew I could ask her anything about the toxic medication she was administering to me and she would be forthright.

She had a wealth of knowledge on side effects and helpful ways to soothe and combat them. She would routinely send me home with printouts that detailed and supported all of that valuable information. I then could consult those printouts when I was home. These printouts helped me get through some difficult times.

Carrie was there to celebrate the small and large milestones of my cancer treatment. She was there to lend support during some of the most difficult setbacks of my cancer treatment — and there were many. She has been a skilled medical professional, my confidante, an incredible supporter and a beacon of light during some of the darkest times of my life. She has been a stable force during such turbulent times. Carrie possesses the unique duality of excellent bedside manner and immense medical knowledge.

I have no doubt about her passion for oncology and her commitment to her patients. I have never felt that she wanted to be anywhere but there with her patients, guiding them through the most difficult season of their lives. She is skilled, dynamic, reliable and compassionate. And that is why I wish to nominate her for the Extraordinary Healer Award for Oncology Nursing. She deserves to be recognized for her amazing contributions and service to her patients.

Carrie Williams, M.S.N./Ed, RN, was the nurse who gave me my introduction into the world of chemotherapy treatment.

A Beacon of Light in Cancer Care

Teresa Carrillo

Michelle Radke, RN, is not considered an oncology nurse, but she works with cancer patients every day including myself. She has a group therapy class for patients with cancer for over 20 years. We meet once a month, although not now because of COVID-19. She now has Zoom meetings until we can get back to our regular meetings, which we really need. The meetings have helped many of us because we learn a lot and have a great time. We try to embarrass her at the meetings, but that’s pretty much impossible because she has heard it all. Michelle has a lot of compassion and understanding of the different paths to cancer recovery. This is short but pretty well sums it up about Michelle.

Editor’s Note: This is an essay submitted by Michael Urban for the 2021 Extraordinary Healer Award. 

A patient with cancer recalls his experience with group therapy started by a nurse that helped him learn more not only from her but from others in similar situations.

Using Group Therapy as a Learning Experience for Patients With Cancer

Michael Urban

It is a privilege to nominate my colleague at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, Dr. Nancy U. Lin, for the Metastatic Heroes

 award. Nancy is an outstandingly talented medical oncologist and an amazing advocate for people living with metastatic breast cancer.

Nancy is not only a caring and compassionate care provider who goes the extra mile on behalf of her patients, but also a leading clinician scientist. Her research focuses on improving treatment for patients with advanced disease, especially those living with breast cancer brain metastasis.

Nancy has been the principal investigator on clinical trials leading to new treatments for breast cancer brain metastasis, has co-led a commission to advocate for the inclusion of patients with active breast cancer brain metastasis on clinical trials and is heavily involved in preclinical research projects to help us better understand why breast cancer travels to the brain.

She is an outstanding mentor to junior colleagues, demonstrating by example that tackling hard questions is critically important. Nancy has also built a program at Dana-Farber that supports patients living with metastatic disease by helping them access the types of psychosocial, integrative and educational resources that can improve the quality of their lives. Related to this study is a large cohort study of patients living with metastatic breast cancer that is providing clinically annotated data along with a rich biospecimen collection to investigators studying metastatic breast cancer.

Those of us who are fortunate to work with Nancy know that when she is approached about a project or program that can help patients, she is all about figuring out to how to make it work. Nancy’s efforts thus far have already led to meaningful improvements in treatment for patients.

As a patient with breast cancer, patient advocate and colleague of Nancy’s, I feel certain that her work, and the work of those she mentors and inspires, will continue to extend and improve life for patients living with metastatic breast cancer.

A woman with breast cancer honors a colleague for her inspirational work to better the lives of patients with metastatic breast cancer, mentor others and inspire meaningful change.

More Than Just a Colleague: An Inspiring Individual Fighting for Patients With Metastatic Breast Cancer

Elizabeth Frank

Because I’d just turned 40, and because I was a good girl who did what she was told, and because my dad had died young of a cancer that we didn’t even know the name of, I went.

Because it was supposed to turn out OK — that’s why I was doing it, to find out I was OK — and because the lady had said not to worry if I got called back, I — for once — did not worry, not that day nor the day they called me back. Which would always astound me when I recalled it later, since for as long as I could remember I had worried all the time and about everything, most especially about dying and leaving my kids without a mother, knowing as I did what could happen.

But because when they called, I was busy deciding which puff pastry hors d’oeuvres I should serve at my Christmas party, and was not in the least bit worried, they’d had to call a second time, which would always amaze me when I recalled it later. Because I was a good girl who did what she was told, sure, but also because you would think I’d have noticed that they kept calling me to come back, and that no one had said — not lately, anyway — not to worry, or that everything was OK. Not to mention because my dad had died young of a cancer we didn’t even know the name of.

And because it is always heartbreaking to remember the last moments of ordinary time spent doing ordinary things — like driving to the place on a bright January afternoon in the minivan with stale French fries and melted crayons in its crevices and reading random magazine articles while half-listening for your name to be called — I will always feel a little sorry for the girl who sat in the waiting room that day, who did not even see it coming. And because I had never before heard of the pretty Alaskan governor in the magazine article, her name would always remind me of that wait, of that waiting room, and make me want to wave my arms wildly and warn the girl to “Stop reading!” and “Pay attention!” for “There is terrible danger ahead!”

Because I was so certain that everything would turn out OK, and because my daughter, who was only four, needed to be picked up from preschool, I — for once — did not follow directions, which were to not get dressed quite yet, to wait until the doctor had read the test. Instead, I pulled on my sweater and waited for them to come back and say that everything was OK, that I could go.

But because this is exactly the sort of thing that can happen if you are not very good, or you let your guard down, if you forget to worry, or do not follow directions, a lady — not the same lady who had told me not to worry — came back and said that I would need to take my top off again, that the doctor would like to talk to me. That I needed a different test with a scary name that I remembered from when my dad was sick with the cancer we didn’t even know the name of.

And because this was not going at all as I had planned, because now there was no way I was going to make it to preschool in time, I called my friend, who said of course she’d pick up my girl, and then asked very gently why I was still at the place, since it had been so long, and was everything OK.

And because that was the moment that it all became real, I would never again not recall the questions she asked me, nor the barrage of questions I asked myself, like what in the world did I think was happening this whole time, and how could I have been so careless to forget — even just this one time — what could happen? Nor would I ever forget the ones I asked the doctor as we gazed at misplaced, malevolent stars in a hazy Milky Way, like could she please make sure I did not die young of this cancer and would it help if — this time — we both knew its name.

Because my daughter’s name was Libby, and she was only four.

A woman describes the day she was diagnosed with breast cancer, which flipped her life upside down. 

Contributors

Latest News