Reclaiming Intimacy for Women After Cancer

Kelly Dyckman works to help women reclaim their confidence in intimacy following a cancer journey, as she explained in an interview with CURE.

Dyckman, a clinical social worker with Haven for Healing Psychotherapy in Shrewsbury, New Jersey, provides therapy services for guests of Mary’s Place by the Sea, a retreat for women with cancer in Ocean Grove, New Jersey.

“After the cancer experience, if there have been surgeries, if there have been different treatments, the experience of self, especially physical self, can change dramatically,” said Dyckman. “So anxiety plays a huge part in intimacy post-cancer, because there are all these ideas about how my body should perform, what sex should feel like, how my partner's going to receive or perceive my abilities and my body now.”

Dyckman sat down for an interview with CURE during a visit to Mary’s Place by the Sea to discuss this issue.

Transcript

What are some common feelings that women experience regarding intimacy after cancer?

After the cancer experience, if there have been surgeries, if there have been different treatments, the experience of self, especially physical self, can change dramatically. So anxiety plays a huge part in intimacy post-cancer, because there are all these ideas about how my body should perform, what sex should feel like, how my partner's going to receive or perceive my abilities and my body now. So, the anxiety piece definitely plays a huge role in intimacy.

There can also be fear based on changes that have happened. There can also be concerns around pain, concerns about experience, concerns around performance. So, I’m really working with women to identify what those emotional considerations are, and how some of those emotional considerations may actually result as physical barriers. So, understanding the relationship between mind and body, that if I'm really stressed out, it's hard to really feel pleasure. It's hard to really enjoy and experience myself or someone else, if that's a significant experience that I'm having — so anxiety, fear, frustration, also, my body's not doing what it's supposed to be doing. My body's not doing what I think it should be doing, or this idea that my partner will be frustrated because my body's not responding the way that it used to respond.

So, there can be a lot of different emotions related to intimacy, and I do a lot of work with women on scaffolding expectations back from what was to what can be, so really supporting people and understanding how they can embrace their sexuality, their sensuality, even if their physical body has changed, their experience of body has changed, or if there's discomfort or physical considerations around sex in some ways. Just because sex doesn't look the way that it used to doesn't mean there can't be sex at all, so helping people understand what is possible, as opposed to focusing on what doesn't feel possible, what doesn't feel accessible right now.

Transcript has been edited for clarity and conciseness.

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