Navigating Time and Emotions After Testicular Cancer

If you are anything like me, your heart from time to time has been a little unsteady. I find myself worrying, letting noise in and am sometimes not grounded. I have been trying to avoid these feeling, the bad vibes and the static, though. In order to do this, I carry a notebook with me to jot down real moments and small wonders. It helps to remember that there are a great number of things to be thankful for in my life.

The little things like a smile from a stranger remind me that there are big rewards if we just try to find them. We are all on this planet together. Our journey is different from others. Some are fighting cancer, leukemia, mental health issues or other health matters. Well, writing about cancer has been rewarding and hopefully helping a few people on their own journey. There is so much in the world that I appreciate right now. I am glad I am here, and you are here reading this. I am glad we get to share this space, even in this small way.

My moods changed daily, sometimes hourly, as I listened to the news in those early days and felt deep anguish about my cancer diagnosis. Why and how did this happen? One’s mood is very connected to their thoughts and actions. A depressing thought can trigger a bad mood.

My mood most days after my cancer discovery was very erratic and caused unrecognizable behavior at times. What I learned is that just because something bad happens does not mean I am bad or need to behave similarly. My cancer is a prime example of focusing on my future healthy self to keep me from being a total ogre to live with.

I have learned to examine my life by listening to my thoughts and then act in a way that drives me closer to the person I want to be. So, as we grow and approach springtime, think about how winter frost is thawing, and your senses awaken. All your emotions unfold in the new season. They paint a landscape with vibrant hues of spring.

With the arrival of spring brings feelings of hope. A renewal in a way that both challenges and exhilarates us. Your mood may mirror this new beginning. Will it be a mood of nerves, an anticipating mood, or a “wait for the blooms,” sort of mood? How will your mood dictate your behavior? Is that behavior cohesive with the future you want?

Consider the weather and how much it will affect your overall mood. Rainy, overcast days can evoke feelings of sadness and depression. Sunny spring days may bring neighbors outside. We will be able to see flowers bloom, trees budding and hear birds chirping, which launches us into a better mood.

It took me decades to overcome the effects of cancer on my scholastic and emotional development. Make the next few months about your own personal renewal. With each passing week, we can shed those dark moods and continue to grow as a person.

After my cancer, I had my mental limits. Often my mental limits were within my comfort zone. With my life now in a healthier state, I do not let fear rule my days. I lead, and my dreams follow. I have learned not to let my mood push me off course. A bad or sour mood can easily grow into your entire disposition and corrupt your life.

In every aspect of my life, mood plays a major role. When I start something new, my “go-to” mood is my energetic mood. Those are days when I just let my mind wander with delight. The great thing about life is that you can self-reflect on yourself.

Years after my cancer, I felt constant anguish of always being on and needing to perform. As ideas grew like weeds in my head, everything felt like I was drowning in quicksand.

My only regrets are the many late-night parties, hangovers and bad dating experiences. What cancer did take away from me was those early college years. Because of so many routine follow-up tests and doctors’ appointments, my mind was preoccupied and not ready to go back to school after the surgery.

It took me several years to get back and focus on studies and what was profoundly important. I regret not pushing forward more quickly. Changing my major five times was something I did. I am happy about that now. It opened my mind to what I really wanted to do as a young person with many interests and aspirations.

I decided to give in and take God’s hand for a moment. I did not know what to expect, but I desperately wanted to live. My mood was a persistent emotional state during those cancer years. It influenced my life as my story progressed. One must not let an erratic or bad mood in as it will change the atmosphere of your well-being.

Do not let bad emotional moods get in the way of your life. Just live in the moment. The challenges of both our personal and professional lives can be overwhelming, but you can invite peace into your life and positivity into your heart. God’s blessings for spring and healing in the new year await us all. Here is to a healthy and happy spring, 2025.

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