My Worries About Being Old as an MDS Survivor

I am amazed at people who are warriors of cancer and still worry about being old. I have a friend who is a true and valiant survivor. She had breast cancer, severe lymphedema and terrible side effects for years. She still goes to work and sojourns on.

Imagine my surprise when she said that she didn’t want anyone at work to know how old she was. I told her I appreciated every single day as a gift and was so grateful. (Spoiler: I am older than she is).

She stated that she was grateful, but just did not want to be looked at as elderly. Granted, she was older than most of her coworkers, but I was still stunned. I realized then that each one of us reacts differently to what we learn from cancer. I have often said cancer is a tough teacher, especially after having myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS). I have learned not to obsess over the little things like age and to be more thankful. She learned to be tough and valiant but still worried about the perception of age. I thought, then, that we all learn different lessons. Many people would say my obsession with finishing my book and spending years on getting it published was stupid, considering I could be doing a lot of things and enjoying myself more. We each choose what is important to us and honor that. We each have our secret fears.

What right did I have to think she should not worry about age? It is not up to me to judge. The more I thought about this, I realized that a lot of this is due to our society and how we are portrayed in the media. Ageism is rampant in our society. People in other cultures often revere their elderly but the U.S. does not do that. The definition of ageism is “Discrimination against older people because of negative and inaccurate stereotypes.” It is so ingrained we do not even realize we are doing it.

Retired people are often looked down on as not contributing to our society. Many of us are behind in our knowledge of technology. I did not begin to use it until age 40 and preschoolers now use it both at school and home! There is a learning curve! Yet, many people my age are working part-time, taking care of grandchildren and enjoying life. We are in book clubs, we travel and we enjoy life. I have 90-year-old friends who still have so much to teach me at age 73. Their wisdom cannot be replaced.

Please do not think I am bashing younger people. I say constantly that I do not know how they do it. They work, go to school or both. They have fears about violence in the schools I never faced. With all the social media including Instagram, X, Facebook, websites and the usage of tablets, kindles, computers and more. They are juggling a constant influx of information with few if any breaks. They are facing uncertain political events, bullying on social media, and problems adults never dreamed of. And most of them are really good people. But elderly people have a lot to offer too.

Add this to the stereotype of cancer. Fortunately, due to tons of research and new treatments, it is no longer considered a fatal disease. But people do look at us differently if they know we have it. So many of us are battling both the stereotype of cancer and aging.

It is my hope that with the new “elderly” and the lessening of the stigma of cancer, future generations will not feel the need to hide their age. After all, we are survivors and need to be loud and proud of that!

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