My Friend’s Cancer Diagnosis Made Me Reflect on My Own

Last month, I told you a personal story about my post-testicular cancer training with my good friend, Joe. Now I want to move ahead a few decades. I’ve worked at Caterpillar Inc. for a few years. Arnold transferred from another Caterpillar office and sat near my desk. We immediately became friends, had lunch together, went out on the weekends to play pool and drank a few cool ones.

I nicknamed Arnold “Doc” because he had an answer for everything. If you had a question about the Caterpillar parts system, he would tell you what to do. If you had a question about who to call, Doc told you who. Just like when you go to a real doctor, they give you answers. Arnold’s nickname for me was “Kid.” He just thought I was always learning like I was a kid. We liked our nicknames and soon, we rarely used our given names with each other.

Doc, since the day I met him, smoked cigarettes. Throughout the day he would step outside to burn one. He always said, “Oh, my doctor says my lungs are good and everything is fine.”

Then in May 2023, four years after quitting smoking and exercising regularly, Doctexted me saying that they found a spot on his lung. The images showed a 3-millimeter by 4-millimeter mass. 

On June 7, 2023, he called and said, “Results are in, Kid. Lung Cancer.” My heart dropped like falling from a 100-story building. The nurse told Doc that it was not an aggressive type of cancer, and so Doc has since only shown an optimistic attitude. 

After 30 days of radiation and months of chemo, doctors said test results showed that the mass was shrinking. Doc qualified for immunotherapy treatment. That meant an intravenous bag monthly for one year. Immunotherapy is relatively new in treating cancer, so it is not a silver bullet, but a great step forward in fighting this ugly disease.

Arnold went from being a former smoker and healthy person to a cancer survivor and has been a remarkable inspiration. His journey launched me into thinking about how to embrace my own path and experience with cancer.

 I can’t adequately put into words just how Doc’s story made me feel. It was as if my brain was boiling. His story opened doors inside my mind, and not just opened them, they blew the darn things down. It pushed my heart to write more about mental health and stress as they relate to cancer. Doc reminds me that always in the back of a survivor’s mind is a little bit of doubt and fear that is rarely expressed to loved ones.

But it is there and takes up energy that can be used elsewhere in life. I have to keep reminding myself to never let fear control my thoughts. In life, there are way too many “what ifs.” I try to never forget my past but work on my present self. Cancer was painful mentally and physically and, in my case, I needed to speak about it and surround myself with friends who understood.

I tried to be this guy without any cracks, without any weaknesses and it only made my fear worse. Having an outlet to talk about my doubts helped me recover. But it took me a long time to fully learn this lesson. After all, mental health was never discussed when I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It was almost a dirty topic. But now, finally, people can proudly articulate if they need help.

In the past, I took friendships for granted and spent a lot of time talking about the mundane, complaining about world affairs or boasting about sports teams. I spent very little time inquiring about my friend’s physical or mental health taking the time to get to the stuff that really matters. Well, to paraphrase many a writer, “I’m really sorry that it’s taking me longer, but I didn’t have time to make it any shorter.”

Today, I try to make it shorter and take that time to ask about people’s health beyond the rote “everything is fine” reply. A healthy life is what people basically know deep down can motivate them. From their guts to their heads. I take inspiration from Doc as he demonstrates that even after all the crap, testing and stress, he takes a deep breath and lets all that weight sink in. It hasn’t been a smooth road but for heaven’s sake, he tells me it’sgrand to be alive. With healthy habits, it’s only going to get better with each day from here on.

My urologist once said to me, “Wisdom is something that you can never have enough of.” I learned that you’re never going to learn enough all by yourself. I do believe there is something universal about having a good friend such as Doc.

The bond is deep. We have been through a lot at different times in our lives, but now we stand healthily.

Through this experience with Doc, I caught a glimpse of my own past cancer journey. Everyone has bad days when the fear creeps in. Trust me when I say I’ve had my share. The more that I think back, I realize that there is always someone who is facing similar or much harder circumstances. I feel pretty insignificant since learning about Doc’s cancer. I am very grateful to have Doc as a friend.

After my cancer, there are a handful of feelings I wish I could bottle up and open when I feel alone or needy: The golden sunlight on my skin. The first time, at home in the Lazy-Boy with my new puppy. The feeling of that hot shower after a nice early morning run.

Doc recently told me, “I've been leaning on your life experiences and your stories more than you know, it's been a great comfort and motivation to keep pushing and enjoying life… now let's get to planning a boy’s trip.” Well, Doc, this kid is darn proud of the way you have embraced all the changes thrown your way. I appreciate that you trust me enough to open up about your thoughts and fears.

I encourage all my readers to find someone they can open up to about their fears and doubts. Find those moments when you feel safe and bottle them up for the future. It may just be the start of a full recovery.

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