Embracing Your ‘New Normal’ After a Cancer Diagnosis

Valarie Traynham, a cancer thriver and patient advocate, sat down for an interview in CURE in which she discussed adjusting to life after cancer, detailing her ‘new normal’. Traynham went on to share that her new normal required a few things: emotional acceptance, self-advocacy, and personal empowerment, stating that it is okay to grieve the life you expected, while still embracing who you are now.

“I think one of the hardest parts has been accepting that life isn't going to be the same, and that has been a grieving process... you have to take that time to grieve the life you thought you were going to have or wanted to have,” she shared in the interview.

In addition, Traynham imparted advice and discussed survivorship after a cancer diagnosis in another interview with CURE.

CURE: You’ve spoken about navigating your 'new normal,' after cancer. Can you share what that adjustment has looked like for you personally, and what some of the biggest challenges have been?

Traynham: Aside from the physical, emotional, and mental aspects, the ‘new normal’ has been challenging. It's something I'm still figuring out, to be honest, because I was under the impression that once treatment was over, my life would return to what it was before. I thought I'd just pick up where I left off, but that wasn't the case. I think one of the hardest parts has been accepting that life isn't going to be the same, and that has been a grieving process. It's something that has come with time. Most people don't think of it as grieving, but you have to take that time to grieve the life you thought you were going to have or wanted to have. Unfortunately, that's not how it's going to be in all instances.

However, I think over time, I've learned to stop chasing what I thought life would be like and what I had hoped for, and I've started to truly lean into what it is now, what it is and where I am right now. I find that to be so fulfilling, and I've also felt a new strength in that. I've found a new joy, a new deeper purpose in it. So, I think just accepting your new normal, whatever that might be, is going to be really helpful.

I can give you a couple of examples. One thing is that I used to just keep pushing through, thinking “this has to be done, I have to do this, I have to do that,” and wanting to get it all done without listening to my body. Now, I pause, and I listen to my body. If my body says, “Hey, you need to slow down, you need to take a nap,” that's what I do, and I find that to be so helpful. Essentially, my new normal has really taught me to just slow down and honor my needs, and to learn how to show up for myself and not always be about doing things for other people.

Many women experience what's called ‘Superwoman syndrome,’ trying to be everything to all people. I've learned to just slow down and show up for myself first, and then be able to show up for others in those areas. So, it's not always pretty, but it's real, and I like to say I'm living on my terms now.

Looking to your advocacy work, why is this so personally meaningful to you? What changes do you hope to see in the future for patients who face disparities in care?

This work is personal for me because I've lived the reality of facing a serious illness and dealing with two cancers. I've seen firsthand how these disparities can impact care, especially in communities like mine. I know what it feels like to struggle, not just with the disease, but also with accessing care, understanding my options, and simply being heard as a patient. That's what drives me every day to raise my voice and ensure that others don't have to walk that path alone or in silence.

I hope to see a future where every patient, regardless of their background, has access to high-quality care and feels empowered to advocate for themselves. Often, patients don't realize how simple self-advocacy can be. I also envision a time when health equity isn't just a goal, but a reality across the board. Ultimately, I want to use my voice to help create a healthcare system that truly understands and supports people as whole individuals, regardless of their zip code or the type of insurance they have.

I want to be part of building up communities — especially those historically underserved — that haven't had the same experiences as everyone else. I want to be part of a system that changes things and makes them better for everybody.

What advice would you give to someone who was just diagnosed with cancer and may be feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about what comes next?

I'd like to tell newly diagnosed individuals that they are not alone. I want to emphasize the importance of education because many people feel lost after a diagnosis. If there's one thing I could tell those who are newly diagnosed, it's to connect with others on this journey and educate yourself about the specific cancer you've been diagnosed with. For me, it felt like I had lost control; I thought I was in control of my life, but I found that learning about my disease gave me a sense of control back.

Educate yourself about your disease, know what to expect, understand your treatment options, and be aware of what's available to you as a patient. Also, find something that gives you hope. You must have hope on this journey, and on those days when you feel like you can't make it, focus on that thing that gives you hope to help pull you through and make things easier for you.

Transcript has been edited for clarity and conciseness.

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