Daffodils and Determination from a Patient with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia

I love flowers! Anyone who knows me knows well that I love flowers. Nothing brightens my day more than a bouquet of daffodils! There’s just something about that bright yellow color with its orange corona center that delights me. I can be down in the dumps about my chronic lymphocytic leukemia, and if I have those flowers in my hands, all thoughts of cancer disappear. For me, they are the symbol of spring! They have also become a symbol for cancer charities. Go figure!

I’m an anthophile and a gardener. Several years ago, I planted one hundred daffodils on the side of our house and in several garden beds in the front and back yard. I planted two different types of daffodils, one yellow and the other white. As a resident of Upstate New York, I look forward with great anticipation to each spring when the daffodils bloom. There’s a simple reason for this: Every year for several months, I put up with long winters, freezing temperatures, overcast skies and “lake effect snow.” After a while, it gets to me. I feel depressed and I crave sunlight.

Daffodils are so bright and cheery. To me, they manifest hope in their very existence. They make me feel inspired! And when I see them, they help me to believe that things can get better. Isn’t it amazing that a flower has that capacity! Yay, “Flower Power!” Do you remember the poet, Allen Ginsberg, from the 1960s? He was responsible for coining that term, and I think we can use some of his petal talk again! It’s time for more “Flower Power!”

Many years ago, all the daffodils I planted began to blossom, and it was an amazing sight to behold. Then just as more buds were opening, I heard a weather report that alarmed me. Suddenly, out of the blue, we had a forecast for snow. I couldn’t believe it! This was the merry month of May! I thought to myself: “What happened to ‘April showers bring May flowers and June bugs,’ not snow!”

I heard the weather report late in the afternoon. As soon as I realized what was happening, I grabbed a pair of scissors, quickly filled some buckets with water, and rushed outside to cut as many flowers as I could.

The snow had already started. Just picture me, running around the yard like a jackrabbit, as the snow was lightly falling. I made it just in time as the snowfall gradually became heavier. My hair, as well as my clothes, were covered with snow. I looked like Frosty, the Snowman! When I entered the house, I shook off the snow like a wet dog! But then, the fragrance began to spread throughout the house, and our home was alive with the burst of color. I was overwhelmed and euphoric!

I made sure I purchased daffodils that were fragrant because they made the house smell so nice. I went to my cupboard and grabbed a bunch of vases to make flower arrangements for every room. It was like having the “Philadelphia Flower Show” inside my house! There were flowers everywhere! It was crazy and I loved it!

This brings to mind how my blood work goes up and down like my childhood seesaw. Sometimes I feel okay and everything looks good, and suddenly, I’m tired and need to lie down to rest. Just like that snowstorm that crept up on me, so too does the blood chemistry shift in my body. I refer to it as having “blood storms.”

Having cancer has taught me a lot about life and how I should live in the world. It has taught me to practice patience. I have to admit, while there’s always room for improvement, I think I’ve become pretty good at it!

It has taught me to let go of the things that hold me back and to forgive wholeheartedly. I’m still working on that one! I’ve got more forgiveness to process in my heart.

It’s taught me to give up complaining and to focus on gratitude. This is becoming a daily ritual now. I’m getting better at it!

It has taught me to live in the moment. This is definitely easier said than done, but I’m working on it. I’ve not quite mastered that yet.

Most importantly, it’s taught me to enjoy the beauty around me and to “smell the roses.” In addition to roses, I also take time to smell the aromatic Asiatic lilies in my backyard as well as the fragrant daffodils scattered throughout the yard!

I like how the Gospel of Matthew refers to flowers, “Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin; yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” Those verses (Matthew 6:28-29) speak to me in a profound spiritual way, and they reassure me that my “mustard seed” faith will support me through this cancer journey.

Recently, I had to go back on chemotherapy. It wasn’t easy. It rattled me. There was a lot of uncertainty and fear in my mind. I had to become comfortable with those feelings and the “blood storm” brewing inside of me. However, I completed my chemo rounds. The chemicals helped me, and the internal storm winds were again calmed.

Presently, I have another issue to deal with. I need to get my blood glucose level under control. Yet, with all this, I continue to remain hopeful and positive. It’s funny how a season can have such a profound effect on my attitude. But it does! Spring always lifts my spirits and makes me feel I’m able to do better. It gives me a new start, a boost. It’s similar to “The Little Engine that Could.” I think I can, I think I can. And I identify with the buds as I watch the flowers bloom, hoping that I too will blossom into better health.

Observing how the daffodils grow, as well as the lilies, seems to give me courage to soldier on. I’m looking forward to the scent of the hyacinths and the elegance of the verdant Lenten roses. They help me to feel that I’ll be able to make it through this! I’ve just got to hold on for the “blossom” within me to appear!

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