Chester Freeman is a retired college and hospital chaplain. He is also a teddy bear artist whose creations are highly collectible. He travels and lectures on the therapeutic value of teddy bears. He is the author of a children’s book 

Pelican Publishing, 1993). He collaborated with the Children’s Theatre Department at East Carolina University(Greenville, NC) to turn his book into a full-scale production which premiered at ECU. Chester has received diagnoses for bladder cancer and chronic lymphocytic leukemia. 

Chester Freeman

When reflecting on the Japanese art of kintsugi, one can find inspiration during a cancer journey, as CURE columnist Chester Freeman explained.

What the Art of Kintsugi Can Teach During a Cancer Journey

Freeman, a bladder cancer survivor who has also received a diagnosis of chronic lymphocytic leukemia, discussed this source of inspiration while he filmed a video entry for CURE in his backyard Japanese garden.

Kintsugi, as Freeman explained, is the traditional art of using gold to mend a broken cup.

“I'm not trying to hide or deny that I have cancer. What I'm trying to do is to go further deep within myself, because kintsugi encourages you to go deep and to find your inner strength,” said Freeman, who spent time in Japan as an exchange student while in college. “So, that's the philosophy behind it, so that when the cup is complete, or the glass is complete, it becomes beautiful, and the gold makes it stronger.”

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was really very scared and frightened, and one of the things that I found very helpful was mindfulness meditation. And as you see, I'm standing here by a Japanese lantern, and there's a tradition in Japan called kintsugi. And kin means gold, and tsugi means mending. So, when a cup or glass breaks, they mend it with gold dust. And instead of hiding the break, they actually highlight the break.

And so, I use that in my own cancer journey. So, I'm not trying to hide or deny that I have cancer. What I'm trying to do is to go further deep within myself, because kintsugi encourages you to go deep and to find your inner strength. So that's the philosophy behind it, so that when the cup is complete, or the glass is complete, it becomes beautiful, and the gold makes it stronger.

So, what I have found is that there are three things that we need. First is we need to meditate. It's just so important to help us center ourselves. Second, we need the support of family and friends, and third, we need to go deep down within ourselves to find that inner strength, and it's always there. It's never easy to find it, but once you do, you're well on your way. So, I just keep reminding myself, it's not easy, but I can do it, and if I can do it, you can too.

Transcript has been edited for clarity and conciseness.

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Chester Freeman was diagnosed with bladder cancer and most recently with chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL).

Nine years ago, as I was working in my office, I felt a need to use the restroom. There was a strange sensation in my urethra that I’d never felt before. When I stood to urinate, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I urinated a solid stream of dark red blood. This is known as hematuria. It was frightening and I knew immediately what was wrong. I had bladder cancer.

After I got over the shock of that experience, I called my primary care physician to ask for his advice. He suggested that I see a urologist and I immediately made an appointment. The diagnosis was made by a procedure known as a cystoscopy. In this procedure, the urologist looks inside the bladder by inserting a flexible tube through the penis. The tube is lighted and carries a camera. This allows the urologist the opportunity to examine the lining of the bladder as well as the urethra. I must say that it is uncomfortable. The nurse administers a numbing agent as well as lubricant. The most difficult part of the procedure is feeling the pressure as the urologist inserts the tube through the urethra and moves it around in the bladder. I focused on my breathing to try to calm myself. It was not an easy task. Fortunately, the procedure doesn’t last a long time, so that makes it bearable. In my case, the urologist was able to identify the abnormal cancer cells on the bladder wall. A biopsy was performed in different areas of the bladder wall and that was the means by which pathologist confirmed the diagnosis. However, the pathologist confirmed what I already knew and felt inside.

What shocked me about all this was that I had no symptoms. I felt fine. I was eating right, and I had a regular exercise routine. All was right with the world, as far as I knew. And then cancer happened!

Just eight months earlier, when he was around the age of 80, my father-in-law was diagnosed with bladder cancer. At that time, we read everything we could find about bladder cancer in all the most recent research publications and clinical studies. My sister-in-law taught physiology at a medical school and was the main person we sought out for information about this diagnosis.

So, my father-in-law went through chemotherapy. His situation was touch and go for a while and he was very close to death, though he was very strong and knew we were all supporting him. He was in the hospital for a long time.

We were all thrilled that he pulled through and was discharged from the hospital just a few weeks before Christmas. This gave the entire family a huge reason to celebrate!

For my part, I kept my diagnosis from my family because I didn’t want to put a damper on Christmas. Then right after Christmas, when I told everyone, the shock was palpable. We all tried to figure out what my father-in-law and I had in common. After a lot of thought, we discovered that he and I both shared an experience of working with formaldehyde. I’d been a medical student and worked on a cadaver during my anatomy classes and my father-in-law had been a funeral director and mortician. The other thing we shared in common was that we drank water which came through old lead pipes. The most common cause of bladder cancer is due to smoking or working with leather or industrial chemicals. Neither of us smoked or were involved in any of those types of occupations. Bladder cancer develops as a result of changes in the urothelial cells, which are known as mutations. We don’t know what caused our cancers.

Unlike my father-in-law who was diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer, I was diagnosed in the earliest of stages. Since my cancer was contained in the bladder wall, it was easy to remove in my first surgery.

After my surgery I was given an intravesical treatment of Bacillus Calmett-Guerin. This is a form of immunotherapy in which chemicals are placed inside the bladder. The chemical solution stimulates the immune system in the body and causes it to fight the cancer cells. It’s one of the earliest well documented forms of treatment and it worked for me. The hardest part for me to deal with was having a Foley catheter inserted for a week or more, and a urostomy bag to collect my urine tied to my leg. The happiest day for me was getting rid of both of those awkward and distressing devices. It was really hard for me to sleep while using those devices. I could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Several years passed and then it happened. The cancer returned. The thing I dreaded for years became a reality and I was really frightened. I was living my nightmare!

This second diagnosis came at the worst possible time since I had recently moved to take care of my elderly parents. As an only child, I felt responsible to be there for them since they had done so much for me while I was growing up. After about a month, I recovered from my second surgery and was able to return to my normal routine. This busy schedule included bathing and dressing my parents each morning, preparing three meals a day, taking my parents to their medical appointments, trying to provide different kinds of entertainment for them through movies and inviting friends to come to visit with them. I also kept track of all their medications as well as my dad’s insulin shots. Then every evening, I gave them a snack, got them undressed and prepared them for bed. Being a caregiver was a full-time job for me. I had to be available 24/7 as their nurse. That meant getting up in the early morning hours to help them in the bathroom and with toileting, comforting them from an anxiety attack or just being there when they had a rough night and couldn’t get to sleep again. I never stopped working. After six months and almost passing out from exhaustion, I learned that I had to take time out for myself to rest. I learned that lesson the hard way. I didn’t sleep very much since I was always listening in case one of them fell out of bed, which happened a few times, or if they called for assistance. I was always there, and I didn’t realize that I also needed care.

I ended up having to place them in an assistant living facility because the amount of care they required became too much for me to handle. By that time, both of my parents needed wheelchair assistance. When I took them to appointments, I had to pack two separate wheelchairs in the trunk of the car. I would get my mother out first and then come back for my father. It was emotionally and physically draining.

I visited them on a regular basis until they died. My mother passed away first, followed by my father a couple years later. The grief process took a toll on me but eventually, I got through it. The loss of both parents was devastating for me, regardless of my age. I really felt like an orphan.

Ever since that time, I felt uneasy, always wondering when or if the cancer would strike again. Bladder cancer is known to reoccur, so I lived in fear for many years. I still have a cystoscope check up once a year just to be proactive. A urine sample and PSA test are always ordered prior to the procedure.

I always remember feeling fine, while at the same time, realizing that I had cancer. It didn’t seem logical, and it certainly didn’t make sense to me. But that’s the way it was. And because of that uneasiness, I was never sure of myself.

Nine years passed and I was slowly beginning to feel okay with my diagnosis. Then another cancer developed a couple years ago.

Here we go again! I had to begin another cancer journey with chronic lymphocytic leukemia. The key word with this diagnosis is “chronic,” which means that people live with this diagnosis. And that’s what I’m trying to do. However, having diabetes complicates things for me. It adds to my stress and makes my situation more difficult.

I’m grateful that the bladder cancer is in remission. That means I can focus more on the leukemia. I’m grateful that the fear of recurrence has diminished for me and that I can relax more. I’m grateful that I can live my daily life and enjoy the pleasures of music, art and nature. Those are the things that give me joy. They lift my spirits and lighten my heart. I’m grateful that the lessons I learned from having bladder cancer have given me strength to face the new cancer diagnosis of chronic lymphocytic leukemia.

I have a heightened sense of awareness about myself and my body and I’m learning to appreciate my life as it is, living with cancer. I take the good days and the bad days with courage, strength, and determination.

Articles

A personal narrative details the journey of a bladder cancer diagnosis, treatment, and recurrence, followed by a new diagnosis of chronic lymphocytic leukemia. The author shares the emotional and physical challenges faced, including caregiving for elderly parents and managing personal health. Despite the fear and uncertainty, the author finds gratitude in remission and strength from past experiences to face new challenges. The narrative emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, resilience, and finding joy in life amidst ongoing health battles, highlighting the complexities of living with chronic illness.

Nine years after my bladder cancer diagnosis, I reflect on its recurrence, caregiving, grief, and my new life with leukemia and renewed gratitude.

Reflections After Nine Years as a Bladder Cancer Survivor

There are many instances where teddy bears can be the key to opening hearts and minds during cancer care.

Here are some ways in which a teddy bear may help adult cancer patients:

Teddy bears remind us of childhood and evoke a feeling of nostalgia. Pleasant memories of the past can comfort us and give us a sense of familiarity. A newly diagnosed cancer patient feels a lot of fear and anxiety. Good memories of the past are embedded in the teddy bear and provide a patient with a sense of calm.

Teddy bears reduce anxiety. New cancer patients are in the process of learning about the type of cancer they have and what treatment options are available to them. This causes stress. The teddy bear can help to reduce that stress through the sense of touch. Just like petting a dog can lower your cortisol level, the same is true for embracing and holding a teddy bear. An encompassing energy is present in the teddy bear that the patient experiences.

There is a mystical aspect about teddy bears in that they provide unconditional love. They are symbols of love. When a cancer patient holds a teddy bear, they feel loved. They feel a soothing connection. This is the reason teddy bears help patients who are grieving the loss of their breasts, bladder, testicles or prostate gland.

Teddy bears help patients to improve their coping skills, and they provide a sense of support that is tangible. They foster a type of inner strength. When cancer patients are confronted with handling insurance matters, legal and financial issues, it can be overwhelming. Having to establish living wills and medical powers of attorney can be frightening. Teddy bears can help to make cancer patients feel safe and comfortable in expressing how they feel. In doing so, teddy bears can help to improve our mental health and well-being.

Teddy bears make us smile. When cancer patients hold a teddy bear, it may often bring a smile to their face. This is a spontaneous response. The brain releases neurotransmitters of dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, which help to improve the mood, reduce the heart rate, and even cause patients to relax. With so much going on in the mind of a cancer patient, this can cause them to stop and feel joy inside their body. And that joy radiates within them. When cancer patients are visited by loved ones and friends who care about them, that too, puts a smile on their face and that support helps to build resilience.

Overall, teddy bears are great healers. They can improve our motivations. The sense of touch provides support and help us to develop adaptability. Teddy bears can help to strengthen our faith and give us a great sense of security during the time when we’re diagnosed and when we’re beginning treatment. They provide hope throughout the treatment process, whether surgery, chemotherapy or radiation is involved. Teddy bears can help us to learn to accept ourselves as we are and support us when we’re losing our hair and grieving that loss.

There are three factors that a cancer patient may think about when they view a teddy bear. First, they are looking at the teddy bear’s facial expression. Next, they consider whether or not the teddy bear’s personality appeals to them. And finally, they decide if they like the color of the bear. When these factors coalesce in a cancer patient’s mind, a special internal connection takes place with the bear and this, for me, is where the mystical aspects complete that connection. There is an embracing energy. It’s something I can’t explain because it’s beyond words. The teddy bear is then able to help relieve the fear of a newly diagnosed patient having to go for a CT scan and PET scan. The teddy bear may accompany them and thus, may directly affect their attitude and ability to cope. There is an astonishing sense of protection. This is the power of a teddy bear.

When given to someone by family and friends or philanthropic organizations, teddy bears take on special meaning and significance. They can assist with removing doubt, fear, and uncertainty from a patient. They embody caregiving in their essence. When no one is around, the cancer patient still feels a heightened sense of presence, overflowing with love and support, embodied in the teddy bear. The patient is not alone, and they feel infinite compassion.

The Rotary Club of Easton, Pennsylvania, demonstrates this with their project called, “Valentine’s Day Teddy Bears for Oncology Patients.” They started giving out teddy bears on Valentine’s Day with a card that read: 

Roses are red, and violets are blue, to help you feel better, here’s a teddy bear for you.” This project has been going on for 24 years and the Rotary members have given out hundreds of bears. Initially, the focus of the project was on adult inpatient cancer patients receiving chemotherapy infusions. However, it became so popular that they are now giving bears to outpatients as well. Two years ago, they expanded their program to nearby hospitals that care for children with cancer as well as other medical concerns.

Oncology and Nursing Unit at Easton Hospital

In my opinion, this program validates how powerful teddy bears can be in the care of adult cancer patients, and it corroborates my clinical experiences. Regardless of the type of cancer a patient may have, a teddy bear is a great resource to help the patient on their cancer journey.

As adults, we all need support, and I think there’s no better way to gain that support than by having a teddy bear in our room. They make everyone smile! And they’re a great source of therapy for all of us!

Teddy bears play a significant role in providing emotional support to adult cancer patients. They evoke nostalgia, reduce anxiety, and offer unconditional love, helping patients cope with the stress of diagnosis and treatment. The tactile comfort of a teddy bear can improve mood and mental well-being, fostering resilience and adaptability. Programs like the Rotary Club's "Valentine’s Day Teddy Bears for Oncology Patients" highlight their therapeutic value. Overall, teddy bears serve as a comforting presence, offering hope and security throughout the cancer journey.

The Healing Power of Teddy Bears for Adults With Cancer

Talking to a teddy bear can be therapeutic and revelatory. Sometimes, I would talk to the teddy bear, and the patient would respond. They might reveal things through the teddy bear that they wouldn’t tell their doctor.

With some patients, I was able to learn significant information about them, which was helpful to their doctor and attending nurses. It was as if the teddy bear was a conduit through which they could reveal their true feelings when they didn’t have the courage to tell their doctor or nurse the reality of their issues. I always found this very interesting. It was as if the teddy bear took us back to our childhood, when we told the teddy bear all our secrets.

I encouraged some cancer patients to listen to the silence within themselves, allowing it to renew their spirits and transform their minds and hearts. I have found this to be a deeply powerful act and to be most helpful for those patients who were able to do so.

I also had the bittersweet opportunity to offer my support and pray with some patients who made the difficult decision to end their cancer treatments. In talking with them, they revealed that they had made peace within themselves about their lives coming to an end. They preferred to die on their own terms and wanted to spend the time they had remaining at home with their families and friends. I stood with them during that difficult process.

It has taken many years for the teddy bear to be accepted as a therapeutic tool, but today it’s quite common, and adults who carry them are not looked down upon as weird or crazy.

That stigma lasted a long time, and it was teddy bear collectors who helped to change the attitudes in our society. Today, many police, firefighters, doctors, nurses, therapists, paramedics, hospice care workers, grief counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, priests, ministers, school counselors, social workers, first responders, and emergency medical technicians use teddy bears in crisis situations. It has become a common occurrence. But that wasn’t always the case. Organizations were founded to help to bring credibility to the teddy bear and to elevate its status. One such organization is Good Bears of the World.

This organization, based in Toledo, Ohio, was founded on the premise and ideal of “easing loneliness and inspiring love and compassion.” They believe that “teddy bears can and do make a difference” in the lives of people around the world. So, they give away teddy bears to children and others who would benefit from having them.

So, how do teddy bears specifically help patients on their cancer journey? I can speak from firsthand experience, both as a former chaplain and now as a cancer patient dealing with diabetes and chronic lymphocytic leukemia.

I received my first teddy bear when I was six years old. I named him Timmy, after the young boy who appeared in the 1950s television show, “Lassie.” As an only child, I identified with Timmy’s character, and my teddy bear became my best friend because I spent a lot of time playing alone. Reflecting back on that time in psychological terms, the teddy bear was an object of solace for me. Now my roles are reversed from chaplain to patient. No longer am I comforting other patients. I am one!

As a hospital chaplain, I not only gave teddy bears to patients, but I actually made them. I found the process of hand sewing a bear to be therapeutic. It calmed me and took my mind off medical concerns. It was as if I entered into a state of contemplation or meditation whereby I could let go of negative thoughts, judgments, and fears. I became calm. Sewing by hand is a great stress reducer, but seeing the finished product and using it is even better! That brings joy to my heart and soul. It’s almost like watching a teddy bear come to life, which is something I discuss in my children’s book, Run Away Bear.

As a hospital chaplain, sometimes I handmade a teddy bear for a specific patient if I thought it would help calm their anxiety. In other cases, I may have given a teddy bear to a patient to be a support for them.

Earlier, I asked how teddy bears can specifically help cancer patients, and I shared my own personal experience. In a later article, I will share the answers I’ve gleaned from the experience I had while working as a chaplain in both hospital settings and with patients who had many types of cancer, such as bladder, prostate, breast, chronic lymphocytic leukemia, lung, kidney, multiple myeloma, myelofibrosis, as well as endometrial cancer.

Teddy bears have emerged as therapeutic tools, aiding patients in expressing emotions they might not share with healthcare providers. They serve as conduits for revealing true feelings, reminiscent of childhood confidants. Encouraging patients to embrace silence can renew their spirits, while some find solace in deciding to end treatments on their terms. The acceptance of teddy bears in therapeutic settings has grown, supported by organizations like Good Bears of the World. The author, a former chaplain and current cancer patient, shares personal experiences of teddy bears providing comfort and reducing stress.

As a patient with CLL, I’ve found comfort in teddy bears — first as a chaplain offering solace, now as a patient embracing their quiet presence myself.

Chester Freeman

What the Art of Kintsugi Can Teach During a Cancer Journey

Reflections After Nine Years as a Bladder Cancer Survivor

The Healing Power of Teddy Bears for Adults With Cancer

Finding Comfort in Teddy Bears Throughout My Experience With CLL

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