4 Things I Had to Unlearn from My Mesothelioma Journey

It has been 17 years since I was initially diagnosed with peritoneal mesothelioma. It has been a challenging journey, one that has needed not only physical adjustments but also overwhelming mental and emotional world winds. I know we tend to focus on things we have learned from different experiences, but have you ever thought about things you have had to unlearn? This experience has been a valuable lesson in letting go of preconceived notions and adjusting my mindset to navigate this journey better.

Here are four things I had to unlearn from my mesothelioma journey:

1. The Stigma Around Asking for Help

Before my diagnosis, I prided myself on being fiercely independent, often believing that asking for help was a sign of weakness. My nickname was Ms. Independent! Believe it or not, the song “Independent Women” by Destiny’s Child was my theme song. However, being diagnosed with cancer at an early age has taught me the importance of leaning on others. Whether it is family, friends or support groups, seeking help has proven to be a crucial part of my healing process. Over the years, I have realized that asking for help is not a weakness but a strength. It is an awareness of our shared human experience and the power of community.

2. The Belief of Always Being in Control

Another valuable lesson I have learned is to let go of the mirage of control. Life is unpredictable and often beyond our grasp. Mesothelioma came into my life uninvited, disrupting my plans, peace and mental state, forcing me to accept uncertainty, all while strengthening my faith. This has been a humbling experience, teaching me to focus on what I can control — my attitude, response, thoughts and my daily actions — while letting go of the rest and placing it into God’s hands. Embracing this mindset has brought me a sense of peace and confidence.

3. The Perception of Strength Versus Weakness

In the past, I used to think of strength as equal to physical power and endurance while seeing vulnerability as a sign of weakness and helplessness. However, my battle with cancer has completely shifted my perspective and outlook. This experience has shown me that true strength comes from embracing vulnerability and courage to face fear and uncertainty with crazy faith!What matters is being intentional about committing to yourself daily, even when the challenges feel overwhelming. This new insight has enhanced my connections with others, fostering empathy and understanding, which have been crucial during my journey.

4. Thinking Cancer Means the End of Life

This topic is one that many people don’t want to discuss, including me. Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I used to think that when someone had cancer, that meant they were going to die. Growing up, the “C” word was rarely discussed, and when it was, it was because of someone dying of it. So, you can imagine growing up, that was one thing I did not want to get “cancer!” Talk about an overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety I felt when I heard the words, “You have cancer.” It took me a while to unlearn that this doesn't mean the end of life. Year after year, and check-up after check-up, being given a clean bill of health helped me overcome this. Along with innovations in healthcare, learning more about mesothelioma. Now, do I ever get scanxiety? Yes! But I know now that cancer does not mean it is the end! You can thrive after cancer, and I am experiencing it now!

Here are the steps you can take to get started:

• Recognize your beliefs: acknowledge and understand your beliefs and values.

• Embrace vulnerability: be open to new experiences and aware of your feelings while being authentic.

• Reframe your perspective: look at situations from a different viewpoint.

• Give yourself grace: be compassionate as you navigate this journey.

• Commit to daily growth: make conscious decisions to learn and improve daily.

Unlearning something deeply ingrained in us is not easy at all. It requires reflection, being OK with feeling uncomfortable, and being committed to personal growth. These lessons have allowed me to navigate my journey as a cancer survivor with a more open heart and mind. Although the road has been challenging, they have equipped me with the tools to face each day with renewed hope, faith and determination.

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