William Ramshaw resides in the expansive Pacific Northwest. He is a six-year survivor of pancreatic cancer and has written a memoir Gut Punched! Facing Pancreatic Cancer.

William Ramshaw

William Ramshaw resides in the expansive Pacific Northwest. He is a six-year survivor of pancreatic cancer.

Cancer not only rips our bodies apart, but it also shreds us emotionally. Before cancer, most of us may be somewhat conceited, self-assured, and ever so proud of ourselves for who we’ve become. We assure ourselves we know what we’re doing and where we’re headed. We’re captains of our ships, in control of our destinies. Post-cancer, most nights are filled with dread. We sneak peeks at obituaries, rubbernecking to see what took someone out. Sadly, this type of voyeurism serves little good. Rather than relishing life, we live in fear that our cancer will come back and finish us off.

While in some cases our talented doctors can repair our bodies, there is little they can do to fix the emotional carnage cancer leaves in its wake. Thankfully, many clinics now offer mental health services or do referrals to therapists who specialize in working with cancer survivors. But therapy alone is often not enough. Unlike restoring our bodies, as hard as it may be to believe, restoring us emotionally is far thornier. Where a physical issue may be healed with a simple procedure or prescription, most emotional things require far more. Worse, they don’t show up in an exam or on a scan. They are insidious. They show up in how we act. Things like excessive worry or lack of sleep are but two of the many signs we are in the emotional ditch.

Being a former military officer, a driven Type-A male, hopefully not too toxic, I lived to work. It was nothing for me to pull an 80-hour week and then be ready to do it all over again the next week. Yes, it was all about action. No excuses for not getting stuff done.

Horrendous gut pain sent me scurrying to the ER. Hours later, I got the news no one wants: “I’m sorry, you have pancreatic cancer.” Stupidly, I continued to work through a hideous surgery to remove my tumor, followed by a month in the hospital, months of radiation and chemo, and then complication upon complication. After a year of this, I had to quit working to allow my body to heal. Did I say driven?

Not having work to feed my ego, I wondered who I was. To come to terms with my new reality, I stumbled into writing as a way of healing by writing a memoir about my journey, where I explored both the emotional and spiritual sides of it. It was through this that I began to heal fully.

I have since discovered a book, “Writing as a Way of Healing” by Louis DeSalvo, where she explores why writing is so vital and how it can heal us. I’ve read others, but this is by far the best one. So if you are struggling to heal emotionally, as I was, or simply want to improve your writing, get this book. You won’t regret it.

I love what legendary writer Joan Didion once wrote, “I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” Forced to put my tornado of confusion into words, everything started to become clear. I began to understand what was happening to me and what it all meant. Most importantly, what I needed to do to get through it.

Type or handwrite as fast as you can. No editing allowed. No one will read your first, second, or even umpteenth drafts. In many cases, no one will ever read anything you’ve written. Holding back will stop you from flushing out all the emotional turmoil you keep burying because it’s too ugly to face.

Sorry, writing about how wonderful your cancer experience was is a lie. For those who have been through this, some days are at best okay. Most days suck. While memories of our bad days fade over time, when I write, I focus on putting myself back then, when I wondered if I was going to make it. Spoiler alert: Most of us who face pancreatic cancer only see two years, few see five. For me to still be here after a dozen years is a miracle, a true unicorn event.

Share your writing with someone close to you, or better yet, your therapist.
Much care is needed here. Not everyone will or can understand what you’ve been through. We all have our issues. Your writing may be helpful for you, but not all that helpful to someone else. Or worse, your writing may trigger a negative reaction from them. This can undermine the whole reason for writing to heal. Thankfully, our therapists are trained to deal with our raw emotions.

For me, writing is an outlet. While I still write for myself, I now mainly write for the many people out there who are deep in their cancer journeys and are unable to put into words how alone they feel in all that is happening to them. Feeling helpless in the face of our cancer is terrifying. Fear grips us. This said, if you feel things are closing in on you, seek out professional help.

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Articles

Cancer profoundly impacts both physical and emotional well-being, often leaving survivors grappling with fear and identity loss. While medical interventions can address physical symptoms, emotional healing is more complex and requires different approaches. Writing is highlighted as a therapeutic tool for emotional recovery, allowing individuals to process their experiences and emotions. The act of writing can provide clarity and understanding, helping survivors navigate their new realities. Sharing written experiences with trusted individuals or therapists can further aid in emotional healing, though care must be taken to avoid negative reactions.

Cancer leaves deep emotional scars long after treatment ends, but for many survivors, honest, unfiltered writing can be a powerful path to healing.

Writing Helped Me Heal After Pancreatic Cancer

Raised with two brothers, I had little idea what to make of my three daughters. Dump trucks and dirt became pigtails and bows. An innocent glance of displeasure would send them running to their mom, sobbing.

Thus, twelve years ago, when I got the unwelcomed news that I had pancreatic cancer, I figured I would not be there for any of their big days. Having helped them take their first steps as they clutched my finger before plopping down on their diapered bottoms, the whole idea of me not being there to walk them down the aisle devastated me.

With only a few of us who get this awful news seeing two years and almost no one seeing five, to still be here a dozen years later is an unexplainable miracle. I mention this not to crow about it but to say no matter how dire your situation may seem, there is always hope, no matter how faint

 With new treatments appearing each month, what may have been a long shot yesterday is now within reach. So, as much as it sounds like one of those mindless cancer slogans, “Don’t give up hope”, I mean it. Stay positive. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. It’s not over until it’s over.

No matter how dire your situation may seem, there is always hope, no matter how faint.

Looking back on the gruesome surgery to remove my pancreatic tumor followed by months of radiation and chemo, I think the one thing that helped me the most was maintaining close relationships with my doctors and their cadre of nurse practitioners, physician assistants, and nurses. I found if I stayed engaged, they stayed engaged. Part of our DNA is to help others. But few want to help someone who has given up hope. Early in my treatments, a kind nurse named Mike told me, “Find someone to be your advocate.” I did. In the heat of my treatments, a physician assistant named Christina came alongside me to make sure I received above-and-beyond care.

Not to state the obvious, do what your doctors tell you to do. Period. If you don’t understand what they are asking or why they asked it, machine-gun them with questions. If they seem unwilling or unable to answer your questions, find another doctor. While I’ve found most doctors are marvelous, sorry to say, it’s your life and not theirs. Find a doctor who respects and listens to you. One who you can collaborate with. Trust me, it will make all the difference.

Speaking of doctors, experience matters a lot. While I was too sick to even consider traveling to one of the noted cancer centers, I was paired with a local surgeon who, unbeknownst to me, had performed more than 600 “Whipple Procedures”. These are complex procedures used to remove pancreatic tumors. Only the most experienced surgeons dare attempt them. With our pancreas buried deep within us, getting to the pancreas is much like gutting a fish. A several-hour surgery, my surgeon compared it to open-heart surgery. Minutes before I was wheeled into the operating room, my surgeon quipped, “When you wake up, you’ll feel like you’ve been hit by a truck.” He wasn’t kidding. It was more like a truck driven by a crazed maniac who backed up and ran me over again for sport. I credit him with my survival. He was so good that I later discovered people traveled from states away to see him.

Dealing with the end of life is hard. It’s overwhelming. There is so much left to do and not enough time to do any of it. As tough as it is to feel like your life will end all too soon, don’t take it out on your caregivers. Remember, your cancer is not their fault. They already have a thankless job. Don’t make it tougher for them. They are your lifeline. Don’t sever it in anger. People are forgiving, but if we push them too far, they may walk away.

I’m not sure why I’ve survived thus far. Perhaps I have something big left to do. Or it could be simple dumb luck. Remember, we all have an end. For those of us who are facing or have faced cancer, at least we have a heads up and can prepare for our end the best we can. As for me, I have chosen to cherish each day I’ve been given.

Back to my three daughters. Two of them are now married. I remain hopeful I will be there for my baby daughter’s big day. But as Meatloaf once sang, “Two out of three ain’t bad.”

For more news on cancer updates, research and education,

A father of three daughters shares his journey with pancreatic cancer, emphasizing the importance of hope, perseverance, and strong relationships with healthcare providers. Despite the grim prognosis, he has survived twelve years post-diagnosis, attributing his survival to experienced medical care and maintaining a positive outlook. He highlights the significance of having an advocate and collaborating with doctors who listen and respect patients. The narrative underscores the value of cherishing life and preparing for the end, while maintaining gratitude and kindness towards caregivers.

I was told I wouldn’t live to see my daughters’ weddings — but 12 years later, I’ve been there for two, and I’m holding out hope for the third.

Pancreatic Cancer Tried to Crash My Three Daughters’ Weddings

As much as I want to believe my doctors are beyond brilliant and can do anything, they are people too. Much like me, they have good days and not-so-great ones.

Before finding out I had pancreatic cancer I rarely saw a doctor. Perhaps I would see my general practice doctor for an annual physical every three or four years. I should note when I turned yellow, it was this same general practice doctor who ordered an emergency CT scan, which likely saved my life.

Post-cancer, I see a raft of doctors. I see a gastroenterologist to monitor my digestive system which is a mess. Missing the top third of my pancreas courtesy of a Whipple procedure to extract my pancreatic tumor, I take enzymes to help me digest my food. I see an endocrinologist to track the progression of my diabetes. He also monitors my osteoporosis, courtesy of the abdominal radiation I had to help excise any post-surgery cancer cells. Did I mention I see a podiatrist who is tracking my peripheral neuropathy — loss of feeling — in my feet? Yet another side effect of my diabetes.

Perhaps it is not cancer-related, but I see a cardiologist who is wondering why my atrial fibrillation (AFib) instances are increasing.

As I told one of my doctors, I have doctor fatigue.

While many of my doctors listen most of the time, I’ve had instances where I’ve had to remind a doctor to listen to me rather than assume they understand what is going on. I live in my body. They don’t.

What are the signs your doctor isn’t listening?

Constant interruptions. These can be subtle with words like the repeated use of “Uh huh,” “Uh huh, “Uh huh,” … But it can be more direct with the doctor cutting me off mid-sentence. Interruptions.

Fidgeting. Let’s face it, most doctors are overscheduled. But this isn’t my fault. Hurriedness.

There but not there. Looking away or worse: that vacant stare shows they have checked out and are wondering how many more patients they have to see before they can hit the road for home. Distractedness.

Aggressive body language. Facial expressions of contempt are the worst. While I can understand the “why” behind this it makes it no less acceptable. Lack of respect.

Being prepared. I always write out a bullet list of what I need my doctor to know. Like many, when the white coat opens the exam room door, my mind goes blank. Having a written list of changes in my medical situation, what I need help with, and questions I have, helps me stay focused and not ramble wasting my doctor’s time. Additionally, to prepare for my appointment, I often do a little research on my questions to help me have a discussion with my doctor rather than being told something I may or may not understand. Be prepared for your appointment.

Being courteous. One never knows what kind of day a doctor is having. Minutes earlier they could have had a tense discussion with another patient or worse things may be happening to them or someone in their family they simply can’t talk about. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Be courteous.

Rewinding the conversation. If I find my doctor is not listening, I have found it helpful to use words like, “Can we rewind this conversation?” and restate my point. If needed, rewind the conversation.

As a last step, change doctors. I rarely have to take this type of drastic measure, but there are times when changing doctors is necessary. Doing this doesn’t need to be a confrontation but rather it can be handled with a comment to one of the doctor’s schedulers, “I would like to see a different doctor. Who might you recommend?” When asked why? I simply say, “‘Name-of-the-doctor’ and I are not working well together.” There is no need to provide details. The doctor is there to provide care to a patient. If you feel the care needed is not being provided, change doctors.

Rather than shrink back from having a “tough” conversation with a doctor, it is critical to do just that. Often these types of conversations, rather than ending a relationship with a doctor, strengthen it.

So, if you find your doctor isn’t listening to you, show up prepared for your appointments, always be courteous, rewind the conversation when necessary and most of all, don’t hesitate to change doctors if nothing else works.

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Here are four signs of your doctor not listening and four things I do when they don't listen to me.

What I Do When My Doctors Don’t Listen 

Having never smoked, when she got the news she was stage 4 a year ago, everyone tried to support her and her husband, but we all knew her chances of beating it were slim, if nonexistent.

Earlier this week I got word about another good friend who is facing lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system, the body's germ-fighting network. I suppose the good news is he has a great doctor, a leader in treating lymphoma, but this doesn’t make it any less scary.

A neighbor behind me has been fighting metastatic breast cancer for three years now. While she’s holding her own with the help of a cocktail of two chemo agents, sadly, day-by-day she’s losing her hard-fought battle. A few weeks ago she told her husband, “I wonder if I’ll see this coming Christmas.”

Three years ago I lost another great friend to a run-of-the-mill sarcoma, a cancer of the soft tissue. A pastor, not as a pastor but as a good friend, often visited me in the hospital during my fight with pancreatic cancer. Only 52, with so much more life to live, he left behind a wife and three teenagers to fend for themselves.

Every time I witness another senseless cancer death I go into a funk. Every time someone around me gets told they have cancer, much like many cancer survivors, knowing how hard their cancer road will be I end up reliving my fight with pancreatic cancer. Grief floods me knowing what is ahead for them. With cancer being intensely personal to each of us, do I stand off and remain silent or do I inject myself into their story? I wish I had an easy answer to this question, but I don’t.

Sadly, most often I feel helpless. What can I do? What can I say? Words like, “You’ll beat this.”, seem hollow and pointless. Telling them about the tough recovery from the likely surgery to extract their tumor also seems pointless. Or telling them about the hours they will be spending in the chemo room is pointless as well. They will learn these things in due time. It’s not mine to tell. Perhaps things will go better for them than they did for me. Above all, I avoid telling them about what’s ahead unless they ask me point-blank.

So what do I say? For the most part, words in themselves mean little. Perhaps the best I can do is to listen closely and reflect back to them what they’ve said or could not find the words to say. The sheer terror of cancer leaves many of us speechless and struggling to put words around questions, like “Will I make it?” Or, “What will happen to my family?”

The worst part of trying to help a friend facing cancer is much like a flashback to a long-ago tragic event their cancer reignites my cancer journey. Suddenly it all comes flooding back to me, my hours-long surgery, months of radiation and chemo, followed by complication upon complication. But I need to press through my challenges and be there for them. They need me now as much as I needed them back then.

In all this, I’ve found the one gift I can give them is to simply be there for them. To walk alongside them. To support them. To do something for them they cannot do for themselves. The options are limitless. Take them to a doctor’s appointment or watch their kids while they are there. Go shopping for them. Bring them a meal. Mow their lawn. Get creative. Do what you can.

So next time you hear of a friend embarking on their own cancer journey, use this as a call to action. Say little but do a lot. Be there for them.

Today I had lunch with a good friend only to learn his next-door neighbor lost her fight with lung cancer two days ago. 

William Ramshaw

Writing Helped Me Heal After Pancreatic Cancer

Pancreatic Cancer Tried to Crash My Three Daughters’ Weddings

What I Do When My Doctors Don’t Listen

Coming Alongside Friends With Cancer

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