Justin Birckbichler is a fourth grade teacher, testicular cancer survivor and the founder of 

. From being diagnosed in November 2016 at the age of 25, to finishing chemo in January 2017, to being cleared in remission in March, he has been passionate about sharing his story to spread awareness and promote open conversation about men's health. Connect with him on Instagram 

 or via email justin@aballsysenseoftumor.com.

Justin Birckbichler

The first book that I remember really getting into was 

 I was 7 when it was released, and my parents bought it for me as a reward for scoring my first soccer goal in a real game (which would also end up being my 

Though she made quite a fool of herself butchering the names throughout, I was hooked on both the wizarding world of JK Rowling and reading in general. Throughout the remainder of elementary school, I won numerous contests for most books and pages read in a year.

Then I entered middle school, where it wasn't seen as "cool" to be a reader. I stopped talking about books so much and eventually stopped reading for a few years entirely, lasting throughout high school. I remember bragging about skimming the Cliff Notes of 

 for AP English — a far cry from my elementary school years of being a champion of the page.

Though I didn't want to admit it, I did keep up with the Harry Potter series in secret, often pilfering them from my little brother and shooting through them through the night. It wasn't until college, around the theatrical release of 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I 

in 2010, that it became socially acceptable to be a reader again in my circle.

I read off and on for the intervening years between then and 2015; I read a bit for pleasure, but most of my time was spent reading for my undergraduate and graduate college courses. Eventually, in August 2015, I wrapped up my master's degree and could dedicate myself solely to pleasure reading.

, I had a million excuses why I didn't want to read. Watching TV and playing video games was far easier. I began tracking my books in an effort to up my reading intake, but only read about 85 books between 2015 and 2016.

diagnosed with testicular cancer in October 2016

 made it extremely difficult for me to focus on reading a book, so I eventually gave up. In an odd twist of fate, one of the last books I read was the screenplay of 

 a spin off from my beloved Harry Potter series.

As Cinderella (the musical group, not the world-class tamer of woodland creatures) once said, "You don't know what you got (til it's gone)" and I found this lyric to be true with reading. I had willingly given it up about ten years prior, but now all I wanted to do was immerse myself in a good book.

Eventually, I completed chemotherapy in 2017 and chemo brain had less of a hold on me. As I ventured back into the realm of reading, I found "easing my way" back into reading was hugely helpful. To start, I read books that were in the 100 to 150-page region and then worked my way up to a 250-page book (which was about Iron Man, so my inner manchild rejoiced). By the end of 2017, I had read 55 books.

In the beginning of 2018, I decided I would set a goal for to read 100 books by the end of the year. As I write the post, I have far surpassed that goal, reaching 166 books (and more to come in these final days of 2018).

I find myself drawn to books about other cancer survivors' experiences, such as 

(a book about one child's successful battle against neuroblastoma), 

 (one breast cancer survivor's outlook on life, which 

(another book by another breast cancer survivor, filled with so many powerful nuggets of wisdom that I'll be sharing throughout the next few months). Other non-cancer related memoirs also find new levels of meaning for me. When I listened to the audio book 

, a true story about a stroke survivor's journey, I found myself drawing parallels to my own experiences with cancer. Though the cancer types, illnesses, and conditions are different than mine, the lessons learned certainly mirror each other.

Of course, I also do read plenty of books of thriller, suspense, mystery, horror and other genres just for fun. Three new authors I discovered in 2018 include 

 (author of the historical fiction Jericho Black series,) 

 (a master of horror and suspense, especially in his 

 (the writer of six novels in one interconnected universe of crime books). I wish I would have known about these authors as I got back into reading after cancer, due to their fast-paced, straightforward, and engaging writing styles.

While I have devoured these and many other great tales, it's the sense of accomplishment and rediscovering my passion that keeps me going. If you're facing cancer and struggling to find the ability to read, I want you to know that it gets better. After all, you managed to get through 800 words about my own journey with reading! For the record, I did manage to rekindle my Harry Potter obsession in 2018, recently completing the screenplay of 

Fantastic Beasts: The Crime of Grindelwald.

Reading is such a precious (dare I say… magical) gift and I urge anyone not to let it go to waste.

Articles

My journey as a reader and a cancer patient/survivor were both marked with highs and lows, but now are important parts of my daily life.


My Magical Reading Journey

When I was first diagnosed with testicular cancer in fall 2016, I decided to step back from my over commitments to various different projects I was involved in. I followed this decision up by launching my testicular cancer awareness website, 

While most people were supportive, one friend felt left behind —the friend who I essentially said I would stop working with her on the aforementioned projects, only to start a new endeavor. She took it very personally and became increasingly passive aggressive.

It all culminated with a single text that changed it all:

"In all honesty, I'm hurting really bad right now. I guess I thought our friendship was stronger than you getting cancer."

This hurt me a lot. I decided to ignore her for a few weeks until I cooled down. Eventually, I reached out to explain why I had declined to respond to her numerous texts and emails and that I couldn't see her as a friend anymore.

However, as the months went on and I completed chemotherapy, my hurt turned into anger and bitterness. I had felt wronged and I never received a real apology for it.

Around the same time, I was a regular contributor to The Mighty. One of the monthly prompts was to write about a time a friend reacted to a diagnosis poorly. Feeling especially vengeful and vicious, 

If you chose not to click on that post, I'll summarize it. Not only did I slam her for her text message, I also attacked her character, work ethic and more. While I didn't use her real name, I gave her the pseudonym "Elle," which isn't too far off from her real name.

I knew that that two wrongs don't make a right, but maybe three wrongs would make it right, so I tweeted the post and loaded it into my auto-Tweeter program… knowing that this former friend still followed me and would see it pop up on her stream from time to time.

I do know she did see it, because a few months later I received an email from her saying that she "felt hurt by the attack on my character you posted last fall." In my mind, the score was settled, and I had my vindication.

Suffice to say, this was not my proudest moment in my cancer experience, nor did it really feel as good as I was expecting. I had just perpetuated a cycle of anger and scorn. Revenge isn't the answer. We all know that old adage about an eye for an eye and how it eventually turns us all into pirates or something.

However, I did have a chance to make it right in the beginning of October 2018, about two years after this saga had begun. I was slated to appear at an educational technology event, and I saw she was also on the roster to present. Initially, I was nervous, as we hadn't spoken since that last email. I realized I would sort of just follow her lead. I had dealt the last blow, so I wouldn't escalate anything.

When we first saw each other, it was admittedly awkward. However, she eventually smiled and said that it was good to see me. To be fair, this was probably just to avoid any sort of public blow up. There wasn't any sort of huge reconciliation or trumpeting fanfare.

Later that evening, we both were in the elevator alone, since it happened that our hotel rooms were caddy-corner to each other. Silence permeated the elevator as we rose to the second floor.

When we got off, I meekly asked, "Do you want to talk things out?"

Her response: "No, not really," and went into her hotel room.

I respected her choice to not wish to talk, but I still felt that I owed her an apology. I took the post of out of my auto-posted and decided to send her a text message. As I typed it, I realized the odd duality — a text message had begun us on this path and now I was hoping to end it with another one.

"I know you just said you didn't want to talk things out, but I do want to apologize. I was in a bad place when I wrote that post, but I shouldn't have done it." I pressed SEND.

No response that night… or in the next morning… or the afternoon.

However, my phone buzzed later that evening:

"Thank you for reaching out and apologizing. I appreciate it."

We haven't spoken since then, but now I feel that the debt is truly paid. While we both said things that we regretted, whether it was her initial text message or my post that shamed her to thousands of people, it was only through mutual forgiveness that this beast of burden isn't hanging over either one of us any longer.

If you're a friend or loved one of a cancer patient, be careful and thoughtful in what you say to the patient. It's a hard road to be on and they don't need more stress to deal with.

If you're a cancer patient and someone says something wrong to you, take a moment to think if it was meant to harm you or if there was just a miscommunication. In my case, all of this could have been avoided if I had expressed my feelings and hurt more concretely early on instead of letting it bottle up.

Since I posted a piece on a widely read website in which I attacked "Elle," I feel to have full closure, I must right that wrong here. As I close out this post, I have just three more words to say:

Finding Forgiveness For Cancer-Related Missteps

The weatherman predicted one to three inches of snow from Winter Storm Diego. In actuality, we received closer to six. With either amount, this equaled one thing: a snow day on Monday, Dec. 10, 2018. Even though I transitioned out of the fourth-grade classroom at the end of last year and into an instructional technology coaching role for this school year, I still reap the benefits of school closings.

However, the icy conditions and blanket of snow represented more than just a day off to me. I was scheduled to have bloodwork, my next CT scan, and a phone call for the 

Crush It for Curtis Foundation Board of Directors

 all after school on Monday. Realizing that I could shift everything up to earlier in the day, I made a call to Dr. Maurer's (my oncologist) office and the medical imaging place to see if I could bump my appointments to earlier in the day.

Dr. Maurer's office offered me a slot at 11:45 am, which I happily took. The medical imaging place couldn't guarantee me an early slot, but advised me to just "show up and see if we can fit you in." Quite the ballsy move — I approved.

Soon after I got off the phone with the imaging center, Dr. Maurer's office called back. I was thinking they could offer me an even earlier slot, but instead they had some bad news. Dr. Maurer was not going to be in on Friday for my scheduled follow-up.

However, this bad news was headed off at the pass and they said they could give me an appointment on Tuesday. Not only was I able to get my medical tests done earlier on Monday, I wouldn't have to wait four days for results. Talk about baller status.

I got my blood drawn at Dr. Maurer's office (even earlier than I was supposed to be there, which may surprise some of my co-workers since I am habitually late to meetings) and showed up at the imaging place around 11:40 am. Luckily, barium for pre-scan prep has been eliminated, so I just needed to drink a bunch of water before my scan, and that's fine by me. I checked in and the receptionist said they were having trouble finding my appointment.

"What time is your scheduled time?" she asked.

"Um… 5:45 pm. But the guy on the phone said I could just show up!"

Long story short, they were able to work me in. After getting an IV put in, requesting my traditional "CT scan pic," following the directions from the CT machine about breathing protocols, and heading out, my medical tests were all done…. well before 12:30, which is around my normal lunch time. Diego, you're the real MVP.

As I drove to the gym for an earlier workout, I realized that I had not experienced any scanxiety in the lead up to this scan day. In fact, the only thing I had been stressed about before this day was that I was not going to be able to get to the gym, had these snow days not occurred. I suppose becoming accustomed to scans is all part of my "new normal."

I got another call later that evening, which was far too many phone calls for one day, in my opinion. However, the message it brought was a welcome one - another snow day for Tuesday! Diego, you're both the hero I needed and deserved. Don't ever change.

The next morning, I ate breakfast, headed to the gym, picked up my turkey to begin thawing for my annual "Friendsgivingmas" on Saturday, and drove to Dr. Maurer's office. Soon after being seated in a room, he entered and told me that my scans were clear.

One set of lymph nodes is still on the higher side of normal size and one of my tumor markers were slightly elevated as compared to June's scan, but on the whole, everything is looking great. Most importantly, my risk of recurrence drops significantly now that I have been in remission for two years.

He asked how I was doing with the antidepressants and I said that they definitely were helping since the dosage was increased in January. I also told him about how I've been struggling with 

, specifically short term memory problems and ability to focus.

more research is being done into this phenomenon

, but preliminary reports show that brain exercise programs, such as 

 or similar, can be helpful. However, my pun game remains strong, and that's what really matters.

Reflecting on this scan and looking towards the future

In a month, I have another appointment for blood work to check on the aforementioned elevated tumor marker. Beyond that day, I will have a full panel of blood work in six months and won't need another scan until next December.

This is great news because I've been on six-month scan rotations since finishing chemo in January 2017. Since I'll still be seeing Dr. Maurer for the next few years, he also said that he can more or less act as my GP doctor. That is one less, one less problem I need to worry about, as Ariana Grande puts it.

I will say that this scan was definitely the best of the six I've had since diagnosis. I had little to no scanxiety and just went along my day, business as usual. Usually, my anxiety peaks when I am driving to the office, but today it was a non-issue, though this may have more to do with me being engrossed in Stephen King's 

 audiobook. Having to wait only 24 hours for results versus a few days was definitely helpful, as was realizing that this might be the last scan for the next year.

The fact that this all transpired over two snow days didn't hurt either. The only thing that could make it better would be a third day.

Winter Storm Diego delivered two things... three days off from work and a set of clean scans!

There's Snow News Like Good News

Despite the grueling days of chemo and all its side effects in December 2016, I did my best to 

. As I look back, I realized that there were certain things that helped me a lot during the holidays. The following list details ways loved ones can support a cancer patient during this time of year.

Cancer treatments take a lot out of you, both physically and mentally. I didn't always have the strength to do things or the mental fortitude to carry out traditional holiday tasks. I needed help, but I didn't necessarily want to admit defeat and ask.

My brother, Kyle, was still at my house after Thanksgiving in 2016, which is the only acceptable time to begin setting up for Christmas. Since I was still recovering from my orchiectomy, I physically couldn't put up our wooden reindeer in my front yard. Kyle noticed this and asked if he could put them up for me. Unfortunately, I didn't have an excuse for making him do it again this year.

What can you do for the cancer patient in your life? Think about what they have done to celebrate on past holidays and ask them if you can help create the same amount of cheer this year.

One big thing I struggled with during treatment was the feeling of total dependence. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, so help the patient regain their sense of independence by doing holidays activities alongside them.

Since I was going to be spending most of my time in my bedroom during recovery from chemo, that's where I wanted my Avengers-themed Christmas tree. I wanted to decorate it myself, but I knew I couldn't carry a tree upstairs, open the ornament boxes and so on and so forth without getting exhausted. My mom, knowing how important this was to me, stepped in to help and said, "Do you want to do this together?" She brought the tree upstairs, opened the boxes, and then handed me the ornaments. I got to put the ornaments where I chose, including placing Iron Man so he looks like he's battling Captain America.

Whether it's decorating the tree, making cookies, or something else, be on the lookout for something that you know your cancer patient wants to do and can do, but may need help completing. It's a small gesture, but it will mean the world to them.

Another favorite of my many holiday traditions is creating an ugly Christmas sweater. I've made some doozies in the past, and last year I was determined to do the same. My then-fiancée, Mallory, told me that her school was hosting a competition and asked if I wanted to help make hers. Not only would I help; I wanted to do it myself.

Over the course of a few days, I designed and built a fireplace sweater, complete with a three-dimensional mantle, battery-operated lights, and fake candles. Spoiler alert — she won the competition.

Small gestures, like this and others, are moments I saw as major wins. Cancer patients don't always need everyone doing everything for them, so let them do something nice for you when they offer.

It wouldn't be a Christmas post without the mention of presents. Small things can help brighten a patient's whole day.

The gift that made me laugh most came from my friend Quinn. Along with a Kylo Ren care package, he sent what appeared to be a coin purse. Upon closer inspection, it was a dried kangaroo's scrotum from Australia — something that made me laugh as a I was facing problems in my own "coin purse," thanks to testicular cancer.

But not all gifts need to be cancer related. Another friend got me a memory foam body pillow upon hearing I had difficulty sleeping. Listen to what the cancer patient needs. We don't all need another "Cancer Sucks" shirt, but there may be something else that we can use to help make life a little easier during chemo.

I take Christmas cheer to insane levels, but not all cancer patients feel the same. Help them find the sense of joy. There are plenty of holiday song playlists to choose from, or maybe you can drive them through the neighborhood of lights.

One thing to possibly avoid: making every conversation about cancer. Sometimes we just want to forget and enjoy the spirit of the season. Sure, it's OK to ask about it and how they're doing, but don't dwell on their diagnosis.

Respect that they might not be so cheerful.

The holidays can be tough for someone with cancer. Sometimes they have to be quarantined from others due to germs, they may look differently than normal, or any number of reminders that life is anything but normal. These feelings are totally OK, and it's also OK to not understand what a cancer patient is going through. Be cognizant of this and be the friend they need you to be. Don't make a hard situation worse by demanding that they show Christmas cheer and positivity at all times.

Even though I love the Christmas season so much, I personally understand that it can be a trying time. I'm not currently in treatment, cancer is still never far from my mind. December is a scan month for me, which is not as great of a gift as turtle doves or lords a-leapin'. I'm doing what I can to not dwell on these thoughts.

Nevertheless, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year in my opinion and I hope these tips help others to find the same joy. I look forward to it all year round, and this year is no different.

Tis the season to be jolly! Here are some ways to support a loved one with cancer during this festive wintertime.

Justin Birckbichler

My Magical Reading Journey

Finding Forgiveness For Cancer-Related Missteps

There's Snow News Like Good News

How to Help a Cancer Patient During the Holidays

Latest News