Carla Deschamps

Chemotherapy! Never in a million years would I have ever thought that it would be part of my personal journey. That word alone was very terrifying. All I can think of was hair loss, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, appetite changes, constipation and other side effects. The simple idea of how my body was going to react and how it was going to impact my family petrified me. During that time, my brother, who was doing his medical residency, decided to do a family reunion to discuss what was best for me.

I must admit, I genuinely did not want to do chemotherapy, but after a long conversation with my family, I finally decided to go on treatment, which consisted of oral and intravenous chemotherapy. I had the option to be treated with both doses which would be a shorter period. However, I informed my oncologist that if it was too much for my body to handle, I was going to strictly stay with oral medication even though it was a longer procedure. My treatment was going to consist of taking medications for two weeks straight and one week off as well as doing blood work and check-ins every three weeks. My mindset was to stay strong and optimistic throughout this journey.

April 3, 2020, was my first day of chemotherapy, which was also my birthday. I turned 35 years old. I had so much emotion that day. I woke up that morning feeling depressed, crying and not wanting to do anything. I was in disbelief because I was still grasping the idea of being diagnosed with cancer. I recalled asking myself, “Why did I have to start chemotherapy on my birthday? Out of all the days in the month, why this one?” Even though it was a day to celebrate my birth, I couldn’t help but feel uncertain and anxious because I did not know what to expect.

I remembered taking my medication and within an hour, I was feeling weak and extremely fatigued. I just wanted to sleep all morning. It was definitely not how I envisioned celebrating the start of my birthday. As time passed, however, I took all the strength in me to make the rest of my day better. My nieces and sister tried their best to make me feel special by cutting me a cake and singing Happy Birthday. Towards the end of the night, I felt happy and filled with gratitude.

To conclude, my first day of chemotherapy was a day that I will always remember because it was the beginning of staying cancer-free. It just so happened that it started on my birthday. Now every year, I have the blessing to celebrate not only my birth but the fact that I am alive and well. A prayer that I wrote and made me feel inner peace during that time was as follows:

I am grateful for the success of my treatment. Even though I was scared of the unknown, you gave me the inner strength to overcome the challenges that chemotherapy brought. You have protected and blessed me throughout this journey. Thank you for allowing me to blossom into the woman I am today. FOREVER BLESSED!!!

For more news on cancer updates, research and education, don’t forget to 

subscribe to CURE®’s newsletters here.

Articles

At first, I wanted to avoid receiving chemotherapy at all costs, but I realized taking it would be the beginning of staying cancer-free.

Receiving Chemotherapy for Colon Cancer on My Birthday 

Have you ever taken anything or someone for granted before being diagnosed with cancer? I would have never thought that this question would ever cross my mind. It has been four years since my diagnosis with colon cancer. Looking back and reflecting on everything that I went through, I can honestly say that my attitude towards life has changed. If I had the opportunity to go back in time, I would definitely handle myself differently.

In 2019, five months before my diagnosis, I met someone whom I ended up falling in love with. The emotional burden of being with him was immense. My relationship showed no signs of growth, and I recalled many moments of feeling unhappy. I wanted to leave him; however, my fear of being alone was far greater than I imagined. I stayed in the effort of not wanting to lose him, without realizing I was losing myself instead.

The battle between my heart and my mind was self-destructive. I was not courageous enough to tell him how I truly felt or how his actions affected me. I remembered many occasions when I would just stay silent. I felt frustrated, disappointed, unworthy and lonely. Everyone seemed distant even though they were at arm’s reach. I lost sight of who I was and what mattered most. This was a battle I kept losing with every word left unsaid.

During that time, I believed that my value as a woman was not good enough and feeling happy was out of my horizon. I depended on someone else to make me feel joy. Not loving myself abundantly was one of my biggest regrets. However, I knew deep down that breaking up with the love of my life was the best decision I could have made. It took me three months to finally make that decision, but once I did, I regained my power as a woman.

What I took for granted from this experience before my diagnosis with colon cancer were self-love and self-expression. It was significant for me to recognize that I gave someone permission to make me feel inferior, which I will never allow again. I have learned that loving myself is not selfish. On the contrary, when I truly loved myself, it was when I learned to love in return.

To conclude, after my diagnosis of colon cancer, I have worked tremendously on self-development. It has helped me grow in all areas of my life, especially in having the ability to speak up for myself. Expressing my thoughts and emotions has provided an inner peace within that I value highly. It is definitely the best remedy for my soul. If I had practiced this more consistently before my diagnosis, I know I would have never lasted so long to voice out my feelings. Having personal boundaries with the people you care about is an essential component of having positive, healthy relationships. With that being said, love yourself every day because it is the best gift you can give to yourself.

Before cancer, I started to lose myself, but cancer taught me that loving myself isn't selfish.

Learning to Love Myself During and After Colon Cancer

Words are extremely powerful. Our inner dialogue at times determines how we feel or how we react to certain situations. Yet, we are our toughest critics fighting battles in our heads. Now, what kind of inner dialogue will you have if the doctor shares that you have colon cancer? I bet your conversation within will be challenging and at times, you’ll feel a sense of anxiousness and confusion. During that time, I started to utilize positive self-talk to express my thoughts with the sole purpose of overcoming this life-changing event.

Being diagnosed with cancer was a hard pill to swallow, especially since I was not ready to hear the news. When they told me, “You have a cancerous mass in your colon,” my first thought that crossed my mind was “OMG, did I just hear right? I must be delusional, there is no way I have colon cancer. How did this even happen?” I remembered that moment like it was yesterday. I was definitely in denial, even though the doctor was clear with the diagnosis.

When I was in the hospital, I recalled moments when I blamed myself for causing this illness. Deep down I knew that it was not my fault, but I couldn't help myself feeling guilty about what was happening to me. When I started my strict liquid diet to conduct my colonoscopy, my inner conversation was a constant battle of telling myself, “I got this,” along with “Why me?”

I knew that I had to decide how I was going to respond to all the obstacles coming my way. That is when I realized that the words I told myself were going to make a difference. Alternating my inner dialogue and the words I was telling myself reciprocated my outlook towards colon cancer.

For this reason, I began listening to affirmations to create a positive mindset. Instead of saying, “This is all my fault,” I started to focus on health affirmations such as “I am healthy and whole,” “I have the ability to stay healthy and strong,”“I will have an abundance of perfect health” and “I am cancer free.” By utilizing positive self-talk, my anxiety and frustration diminished. I established a new journey in my life in which using powerful words and talking to myself positively changed the way I viewed my diagnosis. Now, I see it as a blessing.

I want to share a piece of writing that I used to read almost every day, which helped me start my journey in empowering internal dialogue. It is as follows:

I am so thankful to be in such wonderful health. My cells are duplicating in vibrant, healing ways in order to protect and support my body. My immune system is getting stronger every day as I eat healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables. I am full of light, positive energy that allows me to see, hear, touch, taste and feel everything around me. Thank you, Universe, for giving me perfect health.

As you can see, using positive self-talk had a tremendous impact on how I perceived and countered this unexpected news. Always remember that you are your own cheerleader, and the words you tell yourself throughout the day will definitely impact your mood. Based on my personal experience, at times it was challenging, but not impossible.

Indeed, one of my favorite prayers I read consistently and made me feel happy and grateful consisted of the following:

Thank you for showing me that self-love and
acceptance are two important components to facing life challenges. You have given me the inner strength and courage to view my cancer as a blessing in disguise. Ithas made me that much stronger. I am grateful to be alive. FOREVER BLESSED!!!

When I first received my diagnosis of colon cancer, I felt so negative. So, I started positive self-talk and it's changed my outlook for the better.

Positive Self-Talk Helped Me Through Colon Cancer 

Have you ever wondered how you would feel after time has passed by since your diagnosis with cancer? This is a question I ask myself sometimes, especially during February. On February 24, 2024, I will have four years of being cancer-free. It is crazy to think that time has passed by so quickly. I recalled the day the doctor diagnosed me with colon cancer like it was yesterday. Looking back and seeing the woman I have become has given me a sense of pride and joy.

Now, what have I learned in the past four years? To answer that question, I want to take you back to who I was before my diagnosis of colon cancer. I was someone who had a very hard time being outspoken. If something bothered me, it was difficult to express how I truly felt, which made me feel aggravated at times because I was not being honest with other people. I also disliked confrontations so nine out of ten times, I would do what other people wanted just to avoid any conflicts. This was unhealthy because I was compromising who I was as a person. Ultimately, it made me feel sad and angry at the same time because deep down I allowed this to happen.

However, on February 20, 2020, when I received the biggest news of my life, my whole mindset changed completely. I knew that I had to take control of my life based on my personal choices. For this reason, I began to listen to affirmations focusing on self-love. I would listen to them at least three times per day. Little by little, I began to value and love myself more, which gave me the wisdom to learn that it is OK to put yourself first and not feel guilty. I started expressing myself more and realized how liberating it was when I was completely honest with the other person. So, learning to be more outspoken was one of the lessons I learned after my diagnosis.

Moreover, I began to incorporate mantras in my daily life. This helped me remember my true value as a woman. The first mantra I wrote during that time consisted of the following:

From this moment on, I will love myself more. I will attract more happiness and success into my life. I am worthy of love. I am strong, brave, hard-working, self-determined, warrior, survivor, fighter, beautiful, powerful, loving and compassionate. I am full of light with a positive, radiant energy.

By reading my mantras every day, it has helped me become the woman I wanted to be.

Another lesson that I learned after being diagnosed with colon cancer was to be more independent with certain things. I recalled moments when I wanted to do an activity or visit a place of interest and would say no since I did not want to go by myself. Over the past four years, I have explored places as well as attended events by myself and actually enjoyed them. One of the events that I did on my own was a women’s retreat in upstate New York for a weekend. It was definitely worth attending because I met incredible, empowering women I still keep in touch with today. I would have never done that before my diagnosis with cancer.

I have learned that practicing self-love is one of the most important ways to take care of yourself. By doing so, I have become more confident and my self-worth as a woman has increased tremendously. Being diagnosed with colon cancer was not the news I ever thought I would hear, but it has given me the opportunity to grow in areas of my life where I have genuinely struggled with. Indeed, looking back four years later, I can honestly say that I am a better person because of it.

After I was diagnosed with colon cancer, I learned to take care of myself more and be more outspoken than ever before.

Carla Deschamps

Receiving Chemotherapy for Colon Cancer on My Birthday

Learning to Love Myself During and After Colon Cancer

Positive Self-Talk Helped Me Through Colon Cancer

Cancer Allowed Me to Become More Outspoken

Latest News