When Faced With a Cancer-Related Trigger

All my husband had to say was, “Harvey just flew to MD Anderson,” and that was enough of a trigger. My sensitivity is heightened any time I hear about someone with my exact diagnosis of small lymphocytic lymphoma. Harvey is also receiving the same cancer medication I am. Immediately, my heart began to race as anxious thoughts shot into my mind. I have been told that MD Anderson specializes in lymphoma. What could have happened? I just saw him and he looked fine. It must have been serious if he went there. I don’t know him well enough to ask him any of these questions.

I asked my husband, who is an acquaintance of Harvey’s, to text him to see how he was doing a few days after he arrived in Houston. “Not well,” he answered. “This could be it.” Those words went to the pit of my stomach. I realized then that I had no idea what was going on with Harvey. He could have developed a new cancer for all I know. Suddenly, I tried to stop myself from going down this negative rabbit hole, but it was too late. I already projected what was going on with him onto myself. I knew I needed to get a grip and realize this wasn’t about me. I need to come back to my mantra. Think good, and it will be good. I knew I needed to take the focus off myself and pray for Harvey to be OK.

Then, I called my daughter, who with her clarity of the situation, also helped to stop me. She said, “Mom, you have no idea what caused this sudden change in his prognosis. He also may have seen some signs that he ignored for a while. He’s alone and no one was there with him as he was going through all of this. You’re very in tune with your body and checking things out when you sense something is off. Another ailment altogether could have been the culprit,” she suggested. “Just because it’s happening to him, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you. I can see the leap you’re making.”

My daughter was right and it was so helpful. I already had it happening to me. This is so detrimental because as we all know, as patients with cancer, we don’t need this kind of unnecessary stress. It’s difficult, but I know I need to work hard to try to keep in check why and what is triggering my negative thoughts when I have them. This is why it helps to share with family and close friends whom I know and trust. They just might save me a lot of time and anxiety by seeing my experience through a clearer and more objective lens and shake me back to my reality. I have enough issues without taking on new ones that aren’t real.

The bottom line, as I see it, is that I need to be vigilant when I have negative thoughts. I need to question where the fear and anxiety are coming from. Then, if I can pinpoint that, I can shed some of my unwarranted anxieties (I have enough that are warranted!) and I can be more useful to myself and everyone around me.

One thing that has changed since my cancer diagnosis is that I have worked on stopping the fear from rising sooner rather than later. I try to evaluate what’s making me so upset and scared. Then if it is something I can’t control, I try my best to reframe it. This strategy of trying to stop the stress that I brought on myself has helped me deal with other situations, as well. Here is the end of the story, without knowing any of the details: Harvey received the treatment he needs, and thankfully he is back and seems to be doing well.

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