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Debbie Legault is the mother of a young woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 27. Debbie chose to share the experience of being a full-time caregiver to her daughter during treatment in a blog called “Mom … It’s Cancer” and published the compilation of those thoughts in book format when active treatment was completed. Legault soon realized that the end of treatment was actually just another beginning and continues to write about the realities of survivorship both from her perspective as a caregiver and from her daughter’s point of view.
As a caregiver to my daughter who had breast cancer, pink takes on a new meaning for us — one I’m not quite a fan of.
October is breast cancer awareness month, so we are about to see pink everywhere. But pink represents more than cancer. When I Googled pink today, these were the top three results:
1. Pink is associated with femininity
2. Pink is a color that whispers of inner peace.
3. Pink represents unconditional love, love requiring nothing in return.
If you walk into any children’s clothing store you can usually draw a line down the middle of the store with almost all of the pink items in the girls’ section. While times are changing, pink is traditionally the baby girl color, and the 2023 Barbie movie used so much pink paint that it impacted the global supply.
While the typical patient with breast cancer is a female and as such the pink ribbon link has some logic behind it, breast cancer is also diagnosed in thousands of men each year. In this age of inclusivity, the almost strict usage of pink to represent breast cancer isolates a population who already struggle with the perceived stigma of being a man with breast cancer.
My experience with women diagnosed with breast cancer is that there is little inner peace as they go down the path of treatment for this disease. One of the primary treatments is so toxic that the nurses administering it have to wear full personal protective equipment and manually transfuse the medication slowly enough that it doesn’t leak out as it can burn the skin. Women lose their hair…everywhere…and have to manage the very public display of their illness with strangers they would never want to share with. A part of their bodies often has to be removed to save their lives, and they are reminded of the trauma every time they look in the mirror or try on clothing. The only peace my daughter ever had was when she was sleeping, the only whispers mine to the universe asking it to let her sleep a little bit longer so she wouldn’t have to be fully aware of the side effects from the treatments she agreed to that gave her a chance to survive.
Cancer requires a LOT in return: it demands sacrifice after sacrifice both physically and mentally. Cancer places a multitude of conditions on its relationship with patients and often keeps moving the bar higher until sometimes it is out of reach. While we may like to romanticize the support women diagnosed with breast cancer get from their loved ones from seeing images of groups walking together at fundraising events, many experience not only the losses that come with the disease but also the deep disappointment of finding that the people they thought would be in their corner either can’t or won’t be there. I read of many women whose partners walk away, whose friends slowly but surely stop reaching out, whose families are there in the beginning but can’t sustain the caregiving role they take on. Cancer is not a one-and-done, and for women who are diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, there is typically no end to treatment, to needing support, to the conditions placed on their survival.
There was one result that appeared a bit further down the page that represents what I think many in the breast cancer community experience and is exactly how my daughter feels in October.
If you are surrounded by too much saturated pink, you will feel emotionally overwhelmed.
While the campaign has been very successful at raising awareness and has made it relatively easy for large organizations such as professional sports leagues to provide acknowledgment and support, it has reached critical mass for many in the breast cancer community who see their cause represented by completely unrelated products that provide them with little, if any, benefit. Many large and small businesses make much more money than they pass on to the people who need it. Breast cancer survivors see companies using their illness to make themselves look good, to contribute to their bottom line while doing nothing to help with the crushing financial burdens that patients face from loss of income or medical bills. They see companies who could target their money at research that might find the magic bullet and instead pocket dollars and public relations bonuses on the backs of their suffering.
When it comes to breast cancer awareness, I think we are there and have been for a while. What we need now is for all the money and energy that Pinktober brings to the table to be driven to research and direct support. Let’s shift those funds into looking for a cure that will let young women with breast cancer like my daughter live long enough to see their children go to kindergarten, or graduate high school or let those children hold a hand as their mother slips from this world at a reasonably old age. Let’s provide them with financial support so that they don’t have to wonder where their next rent payment or bag of groceries is going to come from as they realize that the side effects of treatment will take them away from work. Let’s look at the price tag on those socks or earrings or Halloween costumes and find an organization that targets their funds at the people, not the bottom line, and send them a donation in the same amount.
Let’s move the dial from awareness to action. Breast Cancer Action Month. My girl likes that one.
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