The Tap on the Shoulder: Cancer's Unexpected Call

I got the tap on the shoulder, when upon turning 61, I was diagnosed with my second round of breast cancer. As the doctor spoke the words, “You have stage 3, HER2-positive, estrogen receptor-positive breast cancer,” I must have looked at her strangely, as she took that as a cue to slowly repeat the diagnosis to me.

In hindsight, even though I was obviously in shock hearing those words, something in the back of my mind clicked as recognition. You see, the nipple of my right breast was inverted and had some discharge. Something was not right. My surgeon from my initial diagnosis on my left breast, who I had been seeing religiously for seven years, had examined me two months prior, telling me that,” Yes, you’re not mistaken, your nipple is inverted.” She then told me to wait and see what happens, as these things can change. 

I’m so thankfully on the other side of that now. Two years later, after 17 rounds of chemo, surgery, radiation and for the next five years or so, hormone therapy (for me, oral meds), I can honestly say that my way of living has changed. 

Unfortunately, you and I have read and heard of way too many breast cancer experiences. In the US, the American Cancer Society states that as of 2024-25, approximately 1 in 8 women (13.1%) will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer, and 1 in 43 (2.3%) will die from the disease. I never, ever, imagined that this would happen to me, especially since there is no history of breast cancer in my family, and I do not possess the BRCA gene. There exists much research as to the causes or contributory factors of breast cancer such as excessive stress, alcohol consumption, dense breast tissue, detrimental environmental factors such as air pollution, water pollution, exposure to chemicals, dyes, genetics, age, poor diet, etc.

One of my realities is that I have been hurtling along through life at quite a clip, which, for me, equated to lots of stress, lots of caffeine, an unhealthy diet, lack of free time and poor sleep. Contributing factors? Perhaps. As I attempted to come to terms with my breast cancer, I had to answer some challenging questions, such as, what am I really doing with my life? What do I want my life to be about? What truly matters to me? That tap on the shoulder was a game changer. 

With this newfound awareness, I had to make a conscious choice: was I going to give up and let this eat me alive, or was I willing to make some changes? 

I decided on the latter. For example, I’m trying to take things a bit slower these days, more contemplatively. I’m trying to listen more. Listening to all sorts of things. Listening to my body to better determine what it needs, like rest, exercise or healthy food. Listening to my thoughts, to check in with myself over the course of a day. How am I feeling right now? Listening to music, to the wind, the crunch of snow under my feet, the birds. Really listening to others when they speak. I’m trying to live in a more meaningful way. 

This form of breast cancer may metastasize to other organs in my body at some point down the line. I’m trying my very best not to waste time worrying about that possibility. Truth be told, right now, I am just so grateful to feel alive! I’m here with my family, my friends, in my house, in my town, on this Earth. I feel like I can breathe again, or rather, breathe a little more deeply. 

One final note: I don’t believe it’s possible to be at peace all the time, but I am certainly feeling peaceful, more of the time. I have more to do, more to learn and so very much to live for. I am moving forward in my journey.

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