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The Post-Cancer Me
Suzanne Adriana Remington, a retired behavior analyst from Connecticut, has been fighting non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC) since 2019. Like many NSCLC fighters, she never smoked. In fact, she was an avid runner before her diagnosis. Suzanne has spent most of her working life helping children, and now volunteers with children involved in the court system. She also belongs to ALK-Positive Inc, a group named for the gene that drives their particular cancer. They not only support each other, but raise money to fund their own research. This allows cancer fighters and cancer researchers to truly work together to find a cure.
After cancer and becoming an empty nester, I thought I would be lost. But now, I'm finding purpose and following my dreams.
I loved being a mom. Packing lunches, sleepovers and playdates, shopping for all those school needs, living through teenage angst and being a chaperone. When that time was coming to an end, and my daughter was about to launch into her own home and career, I thought I would be lost. But instead, I thrived. I started to do things for myself: I earned two post-master’s degrees. I became a more serious runner. I loved my job and had no problem putting in work time at home. I had nice relationships with my work family. The time between becoming an empty-nester and the cancer diagnosis was probably my most productive. When I looked in the mirror, I saw an industrious and useful person.
All of that is no longer part of my cancer-patient life. As a result, I can’t help but see myself completely differently. Instead of college classes, I’ve taken other kinds of classes like pickleball or mahjong. Instead of putting so many hours into my job, I try my best as a child advocate volunteer, which is far less time-consuming, but still has purpose. Instead of running for medals, I try to find other ways to stay fit so that I can crush my pulmonary function tests — believing this will prolong my life. I had to leave my work family but have made new friends in different communities which I am now a part of.
Today, my main hopes and dreams are simply to stick around as long as possible, so that I am here for my family’s Big Moments. I imagine this is different for people who have fought cancer and beat it. But my stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer diagnosis makes that unlikely. When you live with a terminal illness, the person you see in the mirror is a changed person. Of course, I miss my former self. Building a life after a cancer diagnosis is never in anyone’s plans, but it is clearly not a choice. It does make me happy that, when I look in the mirror these days, I have learned to like and respect that person who stares back at me.
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