Standing Up to a Friend’s Cancer Is as Hard as Facing My Own

About a week ago, I first noticed the email to the CURE bloggers promoting “Stand Up to Cancer Day,” and later that same evening, I received a text message from a special friend: “We’ll talk soon. I love you.” Although I didn’t know that my friend had contemplated hospice care, I wondered whether that was what she wanted to talk about, and I felt uncomfortable and very sad.

I believe I had been sleeping restlessly that night, but I woke up at 4:30 a.m. the next morning suddenly feeling a sense of panic. Thoughts skyrocketed in my mind. Was I trying to read her mind? Or was this all a figment of my imagination? Was my special friend going to die? Could I cope with her death, maybe imminent, but likely within the next year? I had told my friend, on the only day she brought up the topic of her passing, that I would be OK; but then I questioned myself; might I let her down? I knew I couldn’t let her down at that critical point.

Then suddenly the email came back to mind: “Stand Up to Cancer.” That’s absolutely what I have to do. I will be there for my special friend until one or the other of us is gone. Although both of our journeys have involved life-threatening cancers, hers (three years after mine) was at a more advanced stage when diagnosed. Her cancer had metastasized to her lungs and liver, and she had experienced more complications and side effects than I did. On top of it all, she is ten years younger than I am.

All of these are good reasons to stand up to my special friend’s cancer.

The Challenges of Ongoing Treatment

My friend had been struggling with low blood counts for the past year or two, yet she continued her chemotherapy regimens, interspersed with shots to stimulate white blood cell production, primarily to prevent infection.

A physically strong and confident woman, my special friend completed her chemo in June of this year, but soon after spent four days in the hospital. At that point, her oncologist, who is also my oncologist, told her she was not well enough to have any more chemotherapy. The next day, she saw a radiation oncologist, who told her she wouldn’t be able to receive radiation therapy either because of the large number of malignant nodules in her lungs, as well as the location of the growths in her liver.

This meant that the only cancer treatment she was still possibly eligible for was surgery. Although her liver specialist was initially reluctant, he reconsidered and decided that my friend was, in fact, strong enough for liver surgery. He would remove the two cancerous nodules in her liver, despite one being located very close to her stomach. The surgery was performed on August 12, 2025.

Recovery and Complications

My special friend did well with the surgery; however, she soon began suffering from two concerning complications. She developed a rash covering her body and, more worrisome, was seeing blood in her post-surgical drains. She was at the hospital emergency room less than a week after being discharged. It was determined that infection was the most likely cause of her symptoms, and she was put on a strong antibiotic. My friend is home again now and is being seen by a home health care nurse twice a day.

It’s very reassuring to me to know that she’s being well cared for. I am hopeful and prayerful that she will recover completely from her surgery.

Standing Up for a Friend and Myself

I’ve had some weak moments, but generally I’ve got this. I am successfully standing up for my special friend. I’m not sure whether it’s harder to stand up for her now, in her journey, or for myself in my own voyage. Although the perspective has been different, both challenges have been immense. Cancer is never easy; cancer is a formidable enemy.

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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