Life Goes On, Even With Breast Cancer

Cancer can stimulate fellow feeling.

As a cancer veteran, I'm witnessing some beautiful things going on in the lives of people I know with cancer. And I'm learning that life does go on despite an often-wicked diagnosis.

For instance, Jean, a friend of mine, has stage 4 thyroid cancer, but thank God the cancer isn't getting any worse. At least that's what her frequent scans say. Even though she has this cancer diagnosis hanging over her head, she doesn't let it keep her from living her life. In fact, she is the family "ringleader," as her cousin describes her. She gives many of the parties and tries to keep their family together. A job that once belonged to the family's paternal grandmother, Jean is the hostess who throws frequent get-togethers for family and friends. When I'm in New York, I often attend a gathering at her home. Jean is one of the most cordial and welcoming people I know.

My brother, who was recently diagnosed with stage 1 Waldenstrom, a type of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, is the chief caregiver of our 93 year-old mother, who has Parkinson’s disease. He helps her with her daily care such as bathing, dressing, and preparing meals. It's Mike who puts my mother to bed at night. Mike and my mom live a quiet life; they are known to take long drives during the day and watch Lawrence Welk nightly. His primary role is to keep her from falling. About a year ago, Mom fell, due to Parkinson’s, and broke her hip. Mike tries hard to prevent this from ever happening again, but sometimes a fall comes out of nowhere. The other day, it was so windy outside that a gust of wind knocked Mom over. Luckily, she wasn’t hurt in the fall.

Another friend of mine, Maggie, has breast cancer, stage 1. Years ago, Maggie and her husband, Robert, divorced, but Robert is currently helping Maggie through her cancer. In fact, Maggie’s cancer is, in a way, bringing the ex-couple closer. Robert is accompanying her to radiation treatments. A couple once alienated from each other, now can work together to keep Maggie alive.

Another couple I know share something in common: they both have cancer. The husband has prostate cancer, and the wife has breast cancer. They take care of each other, watching what they eat and exercising together as much as they can. This couple doesn’t let the disease slow them down, but the hardship seems to make them love each other even more.

In short, for some, cancer brings out resiliency and fellow feeling; for some, cancer may make some folks unsinkable and incredibly psychologically strong.

Ironically, for me, cancer did the opposite. I was laid low by my stage 2 breast cancer. The thought of throwing a party during that time was unthinkable. As far as caring for people, I could hardly care for my young son. This might have been because I was also dealing with bipolar disorder. I was both physically and mentally impaired. Thank God my husband was there to do the hard work of keeping the family together as I endured a double mastectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy.

However you are going through cancer, whether you're thriving with the disease or just barely making it, I wish you the best. God knows it's hard either way. I hope your life goes on.

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