Lessons From Cancer: Help Yourself by Helping Others

I was diagnosed with squamous cell anal carcinoma 14 years ago. My first lesson from this cancer had to do with the squeamish reactions of friends and relatives to the nature of this cancer. The word “anal” caused great discomfort, and several of those who heard the news more or less broke relations with me, apparently in the belief that anything anal was dangerous, probably from “kinky sex” as even one of my medical team put it.

More importantly, I had the wonderful support of my spouse in my consultations with my medical team. He attended every session, and helped keep track of what was said, doing a much better job than I did! I was distracted and distressed and did not always remember clearly, and sometimes completely missed a comment.

After my treatment ended, a dear friend was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. She mentioned it to me, knowing of my own experience; I realized that she would be attending meetings with her doctors alone as she had no partner to help. So, I volunteered. Her oncologist was a very compassionate man. Her treatment ended and she got the NED (no evidence of disease) verdict.

A few days later, I was in the neighborhood grocery store when a man rushed to me and gave me a huge hug. After a minute I realized it was her doctor — just not wearing the white coat!

I hope that cancer support groups will try to provide this kind of help for cancer patients who do not have partners to attend medical consultations. I have suggested it to my local cancer group. It can make a huge difference, both in easing the stress of treatment and helping to ensure it will be successful!

There are other ways to help cancer patients, particularly those who suffer, as I did, from a rare cancer (even if it doesn’t have an embarrassing name!). As a kind of “paying it forward,” volunteering through cancer groups and websites to call or write to patients who have no local support can make a huge difference to them as they weather their treatment. It may make a big difference to you as well, as you struggle with guilt for your survival while others are not saved! I did not realize this kind of guilt existed until I lost friends to other cancers, particularly pancreatic cancer that took them in only a few weeks.

We can help ourselves by helping others. That’s the best lesson I learned from cancer.

This post was written and submitted by Marshall Carter-Tripp. The article reflects the views of Carter-Tripp and not of CURE®. This is also not supposed to be intended as medical advice.

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