Jumping Out of Planes, Getting Tattoos and Just Being Me After Cancer

I was diagnosed about three years ago with two primary cancers (pancreatic neuroendocrine Tumor - stage IV, grade 2, and a Renal Clear Cell Carcinoma). Little did I know what that diagnosis would do to me and how it would change me.

Yes, I have a life-threatening illness, but my diagnosis changed me as a person. And in a good way. No longer am I on the career treadmill, hoping to get promoted, make more money, have more power, and concerned with things that don’t matter.

Now, I am a changed person. I appreciate life and the world more. I engage more with the environment and with those around me. I am more emotional and in touch with my emotions. I am more present, in fact — I just got a tattoo to remind me to stay in the present. The tattoo is “just be” and is a constant reminder to myself to just… be. Live in the moment, don’t get caught up in the “what ifs,” don’t worry about the things I can’t control. What I can control is how I feel in the moment and how I choose to deal with how I feel.

Beyond staying present, my cancer has super-charged my passions.

I have always cared about others. But now, I am more passionate about it, and it drives a lot of what I do. Whether it’s starting two Facebook groups, being an admin of another org’s FB page, sitting on two patient advisory boards, the board of Society for Integrative Oncology (starting October), meeting and chatting with patients and caregivers whenever I can, I am living my passions to help others.

It’s selfish, I admit. Helping others and thinking through how to best make an impact makes me feel better. The more engaged I feel in the world, the more I “matter,” the better I feel.

But, it’s not only my cancer and advocacy work that drives my passion. I love to test myself and to push myself to do new things. One of my favorite quotes is “great things never came from comfort zones (anonymous).” I try to live that and to make myself uncomfortable since that is where I learn best.

I work for a university, so I am constantly learning new things and pushing myself to take new risks (yes, marketing risks. They don’t really count, but in the work world, they kind of do).

I used to climb mountains. While I can’t really do that anymore — I also have no cartilage in my right knee — there are other ways for me to push myself now.

I have jumped out of airplanes twice right around the anniversary of my diagnosis. It’s an incredible feeling and was not only fun but would’ve been life-changing if it wasn’t competing with the “life-changing” title with cancer!

I also got a tattoo as I mentioned above. I am working so hard and actually trying to be passionate about being in the moment and being engaged.

My therapist has helped a lot. She explained that if I am anxious or stressed, reduce it to how I am feeling in the moment and use the tools I have to help me in the moment. I shouldn’t try to solve the overall thing stressing me out, but I can tackle what I am feeling in the present.

My passions are taking many forms. I am passionate about learning. I am passionate about pushing myself to take on new experiences. I am passionate about mattering and making a difference. And I am passionate about helping others.

While I wouldn’t say any of these passions are new to my personality, I would say that the degree to which I am more passionate has increased a ton since my diagnosis.

This piece reflects the author’s personal experience and perspective. For medical advice, please consult your health care provider.

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