International Flat Day, a Breast Cancer Celebration

October is breast cancer awareness month, but many don’t know there’s another day of celebration called international flat day on Oct. 7. This day has been set as a day to commemorate choice.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, one of my main concerns was what my physical appearance would look like after surgery. The surgeon and I discussed options. I was told I could have a lumpectomy (surgical removal of the tumor and abnormal breast tissue), but if I did, I’d have to have a mammogram every three months afterward.

If I didn’t want to do that, I could have a mastectomy (surgical removal of one or both breasts) which would hopefully remove all traces of cancer from my body. Another option would be a bilateral mastectomy which would remove the affected breast as well as the other one, that way, I wouldn’t be lopsided.

The last option was to remove both breasts and immediately undergo reconstruction. That was a lot to take in and although the doctor said I could take a week or two to mull it over, she subtly pushed me to do reconstruction by saying I’d still feel like a woman. That evening, I discussed my options with my husband. I told him about the “still feel like a woman” statement. Right after I’d repeated it, I got upset and wondered why I wouldn’t feel like a woman without breasts. I chose to remove both breasts without reconstructive surgery.

Months after making my decision, each time I’d visit the oncologist, she’d try to get me to reconsider surgery to rebuild my breasts. “We can take fat from your belly, a free tummy tuck! Or we can remove fat from your buttocks or another location.” As soon as the words slipped from her mouth, I followed up with a quick, “No, thanks!” I’d been through enough surgery and didn’t want to go through anymore.

But over the past 10 years, I must admit, I’ve wondered if I made the right decision. There are times I wish I’d made the choice to reconstruct. I’ve struggled to come to grips with going flat. When I’m home with family, it’s easy to dress without considering how I’m going to camouflage my breastlessness. But out in public, it’s challenging. Rarely do I go out without my prostheses on.

The other day my husband and I were out shopping. Instead of wearing a patterned shirt, which helps to camouflage my flat chest, I wore a solid color shirt. Beneath that, I wore a camisole with built-in breast forms. Before we left to go shopping, I looked at myself in the mirror. I thought I looked nice and normal. It’s funny how having a semblance of breasts makes me think and feel normal.

We got to the store and were walking down an aisle in the craft department. My husband came up close to me and leaned in toward my ear. In his deep voice, he said, “You need to fix your shirt.” I looked at him puzzled. I looked down at my chest and didn’t see anything that needed attention. He leaned back over and said, “You need to fix your boobs. One’s hanging lower than the other.” I literally cracked up in the middle of the store. I was laughing so hard I was almost crying. One hung low!

I hadn’t noticed my lopsidedness, but my husband had. I guess he thought he’d save me some embarrassment by alerting me to the disfigurement. I gave my camisole a little shift up on the left side and got myself fixed. Then, I turned to him and presented myself. “How do I look now?” He smiled and said, “Fine.”

We went on about our shopping and as soon as we got home, I took off the camisole with the built-in boobs. I asked if my lopsidedness bothered my sweet mate and he said, “No. I just wanted you to know you were off-kilter in case you saw someone you knew.” How sweet! He was trying to save me from embarrassment.

Most of my friends now know I’m a fraud. I pretend I have breasts when necessary and forego them when they’re not. I wish I could get to the point where I didn’t care about whether I had breasts, but I haven’t gotten there yet. You’d think, after a decade of not having breasts, I wouldn’t miss them, but I do. They were a part of me and as I’ve shared in past posts, my breasts made me feel feminine. Thankfully, I don’t struggle with that as much as I used to do. I guess the older I get, the less I care what others think.

One of these days I’m going to walk into a store, in a solid color blouse, without any prostheses and do a little test. I’m going to see if anyone notices that I’m flat.

I’m glad there’s a day devoted to celebrating the choice to be flat after breast cancer. Women, or men for that matter, shouldn’t be pushed into doing reconstructive surgery. Our bodies are our own and the choice doesn’t belong to anyone else. Living flat takes some getting used to but it’s also a bit of fun, too.

Earlier this summer, my husband and I were out hiking. We were deep in the woods, and it was so hot. Sweat was running down my back and my front. I took it as long as I could and then ripped off my shirt. It was 20 degrees cooler. Now I wouldn’t have done that if there had been others around, but it was just me, my husband and a few nosey deer. And it felt so good to be topless for a short time.

I hope others realize going flat is acceptable. I wish more doctors would present flatness with the same effort as they do reconstructive surgery. If they did, there might be a few more people who choose to go flat in the world. As it is, those of us who’ve chosen that route know we’re special. That’s why there’s an international flat day.

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