After Passing, Sister and Friend Finish Dr. Barbara Tatham’s Book

Erica Tatham and Deanna Domingues shared the journey of completing Dr. Barbara Tatham’s book — “White Coat Blue Gown” — which chronicles her experience living with metastatic sarcoma, a type of bone cancer.

Barbara began documenting her journey in a private Facebook group, turning her reflections into a foundation for the book. After Barbara’s passing, her sister Erica and her friend Deanna promised to finish what she had started.

Deanna, a marketing director, managed the project, shaping the book’s flow, ensuring clarity, and connecting readers to Barbara’s story. Erica, a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist, contributed additional chapters that added emotional depth, capturing the feelings behind Barbara’s experiences.

Balancing grief, family life and maternity leave, the two told CURE in an interview how they worked together to honor Barbara’s voice while sharing their own perspectives. The finished book is both a memoir and a teaching tool, highlighting caregiving, resilience and the power of family support.

CURE: How did your background in psychology and neuropsychology influence the way you contributed to finishing Barbara's book?

Erica: I felt that in my training, we learned to tease apart different emotional experiences and label them, and that is one of the key ways we work through our emotions. This background helped me tease apart my own emotional experience and communicate it in a way that others could understand what was happening emotionally for both Barbara and me as we went through the journey.

People who read the book felt my chapters were more emotionally related than her chapters. Barbara shared updates about new medicine, and I, knowing more about emotion, added emotional details. This also helped me in my grief process — recognizing the difficulties of living with someone who was both sick and partially dying. I was able to label what was happening and process it outside of her, so I wasn’t spilling my feelings onto her while she was going through something very difficult. That translated into the book, describing the experience for her and attending to her rather than having her deal with my grief during that time.

How did your professional experience in marketing and storytelling influence the way you approached shaping your sister's entries into a book?

Deanna: Barbara wrote most of the book up until the chapters that Erica wrote, and she did an amazing job shaping those entries. My job was to make sure the book had a strong attention to detail, flowed correctly, events happened in the right order and that when friends, doctors and colleagues were introduced, they were introduced at the right time with enough detail to understand why they were part of Barbara's story. I wanted to make sure the book connected with the audience, which is where marketing and storytelling come together.

One of the biggest hurdles was that Barbara wrote her blog posts in different tenses — past, present and future — so we had to streamline that and decide on a consistent point of view. We wore two hats while editing: pretending not to know her to ensure accuracy and engagement, while also reliving every moment to decide what details were needed and what could be removed. Barbara did an amazing job herself; I mainly helped clean up the book to make it what it is today. Personally, my biggest contribution was project managing the whole thing — finding the editor, setting the schedule, meeting with my sisters, getting book releases signed, helping design the cover and finding the publishing team.

Writing additional entries from your perspective must have been intense. How did you navigate your own grief while honoring Barbara's voice?

Erica: It was quite cathartic. I wrote the chapters in the weeks and months after her passing. At that time, I really hated the passage of time because each day felt like I was getting farther away from her. Writing gave me contact with her. I knew her so well that I could hear her voice as I wrote, thinking, “Oh, don’t say that” or “That’s a good tidbit to include.” It was cathartic rather than emotionally intense after she passed. The most emotionally intense part was grieving her while she was alive, which I’ll describe later.

Can you describe your emotional challenges of working on Barbara's book while navigating your own family life and maternity leave?

Deanna: Working on the book was beautiful but also heartbreaking. Reliving those events reminded us of some of the saddest and scariest days of our lives. At the same time, we could hear her words and feel her presence. I worked on the book while on maternity leave with my second child, Chase, and was pregnant with my third. It was like a side hustle because there wasn’t much time. During nap times, Erica and I would commit one to two hours a few times a week to edit.

Once my son started daycare, I could fully commit, spending hours in coffee shops and sending screen grabs to Erica and Laura, often crying at tough chapters. It was a chaotic but beautiful time, and although it took longer than expected, we were committed to getting the book out.

What insights about caregiving and supporting a loved one through illness emerged for you during this process?

Erica: I realized grief starts the moment someone becomes ill. You grieve the loss of the person they were before the illness. For my sister, it was the loss of her profession, her identity as an inspiring older sister, and her usual role in life. When she became a patient, that became her entire identity. Grieving someone while they are alive is incredibly hard. I experienced positive emotions being with her while also grieving the future loss. Loved ones should be kind to themselves and understand that this is a difficult emotional experience — they are not alone.

What lessons about family, grief and resilience did you take away from the experience?

Deanna: Family carries you through grief. My sisters and I leaned on each other in ways we never had before. Seeing our parents suffer was terrible — no parent should have to bury a child. Barbara asked us to go away at Christmas a few months after her passing, and seeing our mother smile on the plane was incredibly special. Everyone grieves differently, and our grief was intense both while Barbara was alive and after her passing. Grief doesn’t go away; it stays, but our lives get bigger around it. We now have children, and we continue to talk about Barbara every day.

We celebrate her in small ways, like participating in the Terry Fox Foundation run for cancer research — we’ve raised $85,000 over eight years and hope to hit $100,000 this year. We stay connected and honor her memory.

How do you hope readers will use the book as a teaching tool or a source of understanding about serious illness and family support?

Erica: I hope readers recognize that illness can happen to anyone and doesn’t discriminate. The book encourages compassion and empathy for people going through brutal medical and emotional journeys. Barbara wanted medical professionals to see the impact they can have on patients. Her book helps both those experiencing illness and those providing care to lean on empathy and compassion.

How do you hope Barbara's story will impact readers, both those who have experienced illness and their families, and those who haven't?

Deanna: I hope readers who have faced illness or have loved ones dealing with it feel less alone. Barbara didn’t intend to write a book initially — she wanted to keep everyone updated on her daily life — but her blog posts helped her process her own mortality. She spoke beautifully and wanted people to know there is no shame in illness. Even for someone experienced with the hospital system, navigating care is complex and challenging. I hope her words inspire compassion, resilience and cherishing the time we have with loved ones.

Quote From “White Coat Blue Gown”

Illness does not discriminate. It does not care if you are good or kind.
It does not appreciate a giving heart or a passionate spirit.
It comes to those who eat their greens, sweat frequently, sleep soundly and stay away from harmful substances.
It comes suddenly, shockingly, and hurts many. It doesn’t respect age, life circumstances or plans.
It just destroys.
But maybe . . . just maybe those who endure illness are actually stronger. Maybe they gain a greater sense of life’s beauty, of humanity, and an appreciation of what is of greatest importance in life.
Maybe they find a life with the most beautiful love.

-Barbera

Transcript has been edited for clarity and conciseness.

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