A Christmas Carol: Lessons Learned From the Past, Present and Future

It was a tradition in my house to watch “Scrooge” the story of an angry, selfish miser who led his life as a miserable human being until one night when he got a knock on his door. It was a warning from his old friend who lived his life very much the same way, and now, in death, he was doomed to walk the earth in pain with shackles around his body. He told Scrooge he would be visited by three ghosts who would represent his past, present and future, and guided by them he would have a chance to change his ways. 

I was ensconced in this movie every Christmas and wondered how our pasts dictate our future, even ones not of our own creation. For instance, there was my past, as a 10-year-old girl, running around oblivious to illness and not being the nicest of children because I was popular, pretty and got what I wanted. That suited me just fine, and I was shocked when I saw a bald child thinking they were contagious. To sum it up, I was pretty unkind.

All this changed in 1984 when out of the blue I found a lump in my right collarbone. This eventually led to my Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and I took on an entirely new persona, one of a sick and weak child. My friends abandoned me, I looked freakish and was in pain all the time. And this was my first visit from my ghost of the past.

The memory is still with me now. The ghost was showing me how this experience shaped me and made me bitter, but he also showed me what real friendships means and that your inner being means more than your outer exterior. It also taught me that no matter how badly the pain felt at the time I made it through.

The new visit was the ghost of the present. Not much more to share in the way things have changed. I was still suffering. I had gone through two more breast cancers and had a massive heart attack. But this ghost gave me the chance to look at those who were trying to save me. He showed me that I was loved without being able to give love back. I could still feel joy in the wake of despair. Love was all around me and I didn’t know.

My last visit came from the ghost of the future… the scariest because of the unknown. But ironically, I felt quite at ease with him even though he reminded me that if I don’t forgive others, love them for what they are and not what I want them to be, do not debate and hold grudges, I could not move on. He had more to say. I could no longer fear. Now how was I supposed to do that? “Walk through it,” said the ghost. “It's just an illusion, an emotion. Get past it or stay forever stuck.”

I heeded his words and now I look at the good, and when someone hurts me, I forgive them. I don’t debate; I have realized what life is really about: joy, happiness and love.

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