Valarie Traynham is a cancer thriver and serves as a patient advocate following her diagnoses of multiple myeloma and breast cancer.

Valarie Traynham 

Hearing that you have cancer can lead to dark feelings; however, others have walked this road and come out on the other end, a cancer thriver explained. 

Addressing Feelings of Loneliness After a Cancer Diagnosis

Hearing the words 'you have cancer' can lead to dark feelings, and thinking that no one else understands; however, there are others that have walked this road before you, others who are still standing, and it is possible for you to do the same, a cancer thriver explained.

To further delve into this topic, CURE sat down 

, a cancer thriver and patient advocate to discuss what she wishes someone had told her at the time of her diagnosis.

Don’t miss out on more from Traynham, as she also covered 

 following a cancer diagnosis, as well as her 

Looking back, what do you wish someone had told you at the time of your diagnosis that might have better prepared you for what was ahead?

There are several things I wish someone had told me, and this is what I try to tell everyone now: You are not alone. Often, when you hear those words, "you have cancer," you enter a dark place and feel like nobody else understands. But know that others have been on this road, they have walked this road, they are still standing, and you can do the same.

Early in my journey, when I looked at the prognosis, I was told three to five years. Then I met a 26-year survivor, and my mentality shifted. I became that outlier. Whenever I see charts and graphs about myeloma or breast cancer survivors, I tell myself that I am going to be that outlier; I'm not going to fall within those lines.

I also wish someone had told me that "incurable" doesn't necessarily mean a death sentence. When you hear "multiple myeloma," an incurable cancer, my mind automatically went to, "Oh my God, I'm going to die." I was diagnosed so young — at 42 — and a three-to-five-year prognosis meant I might not live to see 50. So, I wish someone had told me it doesn't have to be a death sentence.

I wish someone had also told me that when treatment stops, you can still be left with long-term, life-altering side effects. These are things people don't talk about; it's all about getting you into treatment and cared for. I wish someone had told me that even after treatments stop, the emotional and mental processing of things still continues. It doesn't stop just because you're not going in for chemo every week. That emotional toll can still affect you deeply.

I wish someone would have told me that I was going to need to learn how to advocate for myself and what that truly entailed. For me, it was a learning-as-I-went process, but I think had I known that upfront, I would have been in a better position.

Lastly, I wish someone would have told me about how cancer can change the dynamics of your relationships. I had friends who drifted away; they didn't know what to say, or they were just uncomfortable for whatever reason. Others had never known someone with cancer, so they didn't know how to respond or how to offer the support that was needed. So, the dynamics in relationships, even family relationships, some of those shifted as well.

However, I can say that even though I wish someone had told me about how relationships would shift — both in not-so-good ways and in good ways — I found that I've made deeper connections in the survivor communities, building new support networks. That has become a form of healing for me. So, I wish I would have known that upfront. I wouldn't have been so worried about it, just knowing that there was a network out there that is so supportive.

Transcript has been edited for clarity and conciseness.

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Videos

Valarie Traynham discusses some of ways her life has changed since being diagnoses with cancer, and what parts of her identity have remained the same.

Living With Intention After a Cancer Diagnosis

A cancer diagnosis alters the course of a person’s life, something that Valarie Traynham, a cancer thriver and patient advocate, is no stranger to following her cancer diagnoses of both breast cancer and multiple myeloma.

She says that from her diagnosis to now, her life has shifted from a from a focus on survival to a focus on living with more intention. This experience, for Traynham in particular, has shifted her focuses to now being more mindful of how exactly she spends her time, protecting her peace and saying no when needed. However, she cites one of her biggest changes as her sense of purpose that she has garnered through patient advocacy.

To delve further into this topic, CURE sat down for an interview with Traynham to discuss how her diagnosis has altered the way she lives everyday life. She ends the conversation by reinforcing that though she has changed both emotionally and physically, her core identity remains grounded in faith, community and her desire to help others.

What are some of the most significant ways your life has changed since treatment, and what parts of your identity or daily routine have remained the same?

Looking back on my journey with myeloma and breast cancer, life has shifted in significant ways. Initially, it was about mere survival — getting through the shock of not one, but two diagnoses, and enduring the treatments. Everything seemed to come at once, very fast. However, over time, I've noticed that it has become more about how I live.

I've learned to be more intentional with my time; with the things I say yes to and the things I say no to. My "no" muscle has become very strong, and I've also learned to protect my peace. I no longer take things for granted; again, it goes back to being intentional. But I think one of the biggest changes I've found on this cancer journey is that I've discovered my purpose. What started as figuring out how to navigate my own diagnosis has truly turned into a deeper commitment to helping others do the same. My advocacy work has allowed me to take everything I've experienced and turn it around to give back and help others.

At the same time, parts of my life haven't changed. My faith, for instance, remains my strong foundation; it's what keeps me going every day. I still find strength in my community, and I still enjoy showing up for others, being there to help them in their time of need. While this journey has changed me, it hasn't altered me to the core of who I really am. Instead, it has allowed me to be part of something bigger, stretched my faith, and enabled me to make connections that have totally changed my life.

Valarie Traynham shares what survivorship means to her, and how the definition has evolved after her diagnosis, during National Cancer Survivors Month. 

A Cancer Thriver Breaks Down Her Definition of Survivorship 

Survivorship can mean something different to everyone, and it is important to reflect on the different definitions of survivorship, especially during National Cancer Survivors Month, which is recognized yearly during the month of June.

This month, according to the Fred Hutch Cancer Center website, serves a time to honor and celebrate the strength and resilience of individuals who have faced cancer. Moreover, it is time to acknowledge the importance of ongoing support and research patients.

Valarie Traynham understands the definition of survivorship well, as she is a cancer thriver and serves as a patient advocate following her diagnoses of multiple myeloma and breast cancer.

To discuss her idea of what survivorship means, Traynham sat down for an interview with CURE, where she explained the various ways, she has interpreted survivorship, and how the definition has changed from diagnosis to now.

How do you define survivorship, and how has that definition evolved since your diagnosis with multiple myeloma and breast cancer?

So, I think of survivorship in many different ways. One, for me personally, it is about thriving with cancer. I live with this every day, but I have learned how to thrive with it. I also find that it's about waking up every day and really just choosing to continue to live, even on those hard days when you're not sure how the day is going to go. You still have to get up and face it, taking those good days with the bad days. That thing I have hope in, that's what I try to focus on most.

I think survivorship has changed. I have noticed that it had changed from when I first even thought about survivorship, which was not something I considered until later in my cancer journey. Initially, I thought of it as just holding on, processing everything I had just been handed, dealing with this deck of cards I was given and playing them. But I've also found that it meant navigating the unknowns.

When you get that cancer diagnosis, a lot goes on, and you're a little bit unsure of how to handle all of that. Over time, I realized that it means much more. It's about living fully, as I said, thriving, celebrating every win, small milestones. Celebrate those small milestones and don't take anything for granted.

It also means learning how to speak up for myself, learning how to become a good self-advocate, speaking up for myself, knowing what questions to ask, and those types of things. But I'm finding it's about living with intention, living life with more meaning, and finding those special connections and finding that hope.

Valarie Traynham

Addressing Feelings of Loneliness After a Cancer Diagnosis

Living With Intention After a Cancer Diagnosis

A Cancer Thriver Breaks Down Her Definition of Survivorship

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