Regina L. Buchhofer

Shortly after being diagnosed , I remember reading survivor stories where  breast cancer survivors would state, “Breast cancer was the best thing that  happened to me.” This statement truly perplexed and angered me. There I was, 32  years old, having just lost a breast to cancer. 

For the life of me I could not fathom that the hell I found myself forced  into would ever be a good thing. Was there something I was missing? What was  wrong with me that I didn’t feel this way? During this confusion, I resigned  myself to the notion that since I didn’t feel anything positive about my  experience with breast cancer, everything would always be negative. I was angry  at the world, life, and my own body for letting me down. I refused to allow  myself to see anything good arise from having breast cancer because in doing so  I felt that would mean I accepted it.

My own internal misery continued for more than two years. I wasn’t looking  for anything positive to arise from the ashes of my cancer diagnosis, so my life  remained a fog of powerful emotions ranging from grief and anxiety to terror and  rage. I tried my best to fit back into my pre-cancer life and pick up where my  life left off before I had breast cancer.

But I wasn’t the same person, so how could I expect my life to pick up again  where it left off? I felt like a wounded bird that had fallen from her nest  without knowing how to get back up again. So who was I now? Such questions I  pondered.

Then one day, when I wasn’t looking, my life took another abrupt  change. The change this time wasn’t dark and mysterious with a threat to my life  like cancer had been, but a bright and beautiful movement toward realizing what  had happened to me.

A slow transformation into creating something positive from breast cancer  began when I was presented with the oppor tunity to see things differently. I  now realize that acceptance of breast cancer does not mean I like it or agree  with it, but that I have come to terms with the fact that yes, this has happened  to me. I need to stop fighting it and fit it into my life somehow.

I fit breast cancer into my life when I joined Hope Afloat USA, a dragon boat  racing team for breast cancer survivors. Once I allowed the change to take  place, opportunities of endless goodness arose when I joined this extraordinary  group of women. I learned to transform my anger about what I had no control over  into what I could control: pounding my paddle into the water with all the  strength I could muster.

The anger that once nearly crippled me could be used in a positive direction  to help get our boat across that finish line of life. When the 20 of us paddle  in unison and the boat glides across the river, I am reminded that I too need to  keep moving forward. With each exhaustive breath that I grab from deep within my  lungs, with every drop of sweat that rolls down my back, and as my muscles cry  out, I am aware that I am alive.

Even after the tremendous healing that has taken place within me since  joining Hope Afloat USA, I would not say breast cancer was the best thing that  happened to me. But what I have learned is that good things can come from bad  experiences. I could even almost thank the disease for bringing Hope Afloat USA  into my life. 

To learn more about Hope Afloat USA, visit 

Regina L. Buchhofer

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