Patricia Buls

I live in a continual state of numbness.

Nature’s way of dulling the gut-wrenching pain.

But still … no answers. I miss him so much!

I muddle through each day on auto pilot.

He should come walking through the door,

Laughing, smiling and telling me about his day.

Then reality sets in — the tears and anger.

I hate the world; I hate everything, maybe even God.

So I just let it out — crying, screaming at God or whoever,

Anything to feel better in this dismal darkness.

Time crawls by — long days and nights.

Try to find one good thing about each day.

I see someone else’s grief struggle and think:

If they can get through it, then so can I.

Yes, we can do this healing journey together.

But this grief thing takes a long time,

One step ahead, maybe two back, but always press on,

Each at our own pace; weeks, months, even years.

My heart still aches but there comes understanding.

Tears melt into smiles when I think of him now.

Grief is tempered with lasting and happy memories.

I realize that death is a part of living,

And that some of us leave earlier than others.

Letting them go — that’s what hurts the most.

We cannot control when our journey ends here,

That’s why we must make the most of every day.

Doing our best to help others on their journeys.

That’s what life here is all about.

And when it’s done, we will see those we love again.

And yes! My heart rejoices in knowing that.

Patricia Buls is a breast cancer survivor and also a nurse who cared for her husband as he went through prostate cancer and later passed. Her message to those experiencing the loss of a loved one is “Always look forward and have HOPE.”

There is nothing more painful and shattering to the human spirit than the grief that follows the death of a loved one. The loss is devastating. We must realize, however, that grief shouldn’t be a permanent state but a passage to a greater understanding of ourselves. It awakens an awareness within us that we have a choice – to face the reality and move forward or stay stuck in pain and darkness. Each of us makes this journey at our own speed; and with time and courage we can develop the resilience to overcome the grief and become whole again.

This post was written and submitted by Patricia Buls. The article reflects the views of Buls and not of CURE®. This is also not supposed to be intended as medical advice.

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When experiencing loss, always look forward and have hope.

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