Michael Alpiner

A poem about Alpiner's experience when he received a diagnosis of stage 4 Hodgkin lymphoma.

These poems were among the work that made up my MFA thesis entitled “Flying on the Edge.” The thesis (which passed with no edits) combined poems of my successful battle with stage 4 Hodgkin lymphoma and the spiritual totems and personal strength one can derive from birds (I became an avid birder during and since my treatment and recovery).

​​The biopsy found only necrotic cells.

​​We’re ruling out eosinophilic granuloma.

treated with crude instruments from the past,

my daughters run to me with Christmas in their eyes

my job loss, my divorce, both as much a secret

Before surgery, one day before, it was my birthday.

A fractured family gathered in sickness and in health,

placebo for a throbbing heart, I had to live

​​We will be using strong chemotherapy drugs,

​​then radiation — you will not be able to work.

yet they played make believe with my buttons and tubing.

Then came the gentle reminder that visiting hours were ending.

I descended after all were gone, a vulture, black as those souls

My father hadn’t seen me for five months,

​​driving distance, my deliberate perimeter

​​through winter and spring, finalizing the divorce,

​​what belly I had acquired disappeared,

​​skin pale as rice paper and of a similar grain.

​​three hours through Pennsylvania and Jersey,

​​the stress of coming back, and to this,

​​thinking of words to replace the term cancer.

​​He never played poker; his performances on radio

​​allowed him to smirk and sneer undetected.

​​Even as he observed me in my transparent case,

​​he never let on that I was disappearing.

​​When I was a child, he downplayed everything,

​​time too short to take ourselves seriously,

​​taught me to joke away anger and anxiety.

​​Running, sacrificing for love’s sake.

This post was written and submitted by Michael Alpiner. The article reflects the views of Alpiner and not of CURE®. This is also not supposed to be intended as medical advice.

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These poems encapsulated my successful battle with stage 4 Hodgkin lymphoma. 

Michael Alpiner

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